malehealth blog spot: KEN

Trippy Man as Tarantino might say.

2006-06-10T18:41:00.000+01:00

So seizures. First thing I know is a headache, then the smell of jossticks, sandalwood if I recall correctly. Then a space shuttle launching from the tennis club at the end of our road, and an anticlockwise spinning fireball outside the window. Trippy man! Even this dumbo realised all was not well. I was chatting to a mate on MSN she noticed my typing was worse than usual. I managed to type words mixed up. She told me to switch on the webcam – she witness my face in a variety of grimaces before I fell off the chair and banged me nut. Meantime (shes in Yorkshire ) she fones a friend in wales to get my address then fones an ambulance.

I am lying on the floor peeing myself and fitting. Sort of wake up before realizing my daughter is screaming, and the ambulance men are calling for help to move a heavy guy in an awkward space. I decide to fit again they give me diazepam IV. I am out the game I wake up in the Royal feeling like a bag of boiled shite (same colour too). My mate visits in a surreal fashion, I remember that my pressing concern is not for my health but the fact Shakespeare our rabbit is wild in the garden. Seems easier to fit again so I watch my heart rate decorate and wake up spitting blood from a bitten cheek.

They aren’t sure whats gone on, they home in on the fact I like drink too much and recently gave up ( as a prelude to my Lenten promise). The first night was mad my head hurts and I cant see out of one lens of my glasses – when fitting I had rubbed them against an abrasive surface. That strangely is one of the worst bits.

Next day I am prodded by the top gaffer nice bloke with an entourage. He wants to do a CT scan. His junior boys think I am an old soak who has dried out too quick. They compromise and do a CT scan and ask the “lifestyles” nurse to see me.

She diagnoses a tremor – I always have one its due to the fact that I am on a shed full of medicine for my Bipolar Affective Disorder (more of that later). She sees this as damning proof of my alcoholic status. She says stay in and go home see you in 4 weeks. I am not convinced (but I acknowledge I would deny it all).

I am trundled off for a CT scan that’s scary bit common now but knew to me. The radiographer obviously doesn’t know I have wanton lush written on my notes so strangely treats me with respect. She understands that I may have some insight after nearly 30 years in the NHS. 11am this was, will get reported on 3.30 (tis Friday). Hear nothing and you are laughing kiddo. My head feels like a girder has collided with it. They give me paracetamol.

About 7pm get to a ward staffed by a nerd I knew years ago who delights in subjecting me to sub human treatment. Headache Mr Clare?? Hangover?? Here’s two paracetamol. Now let me see what you in for ah….seizures following alcohol withdrawal.

Bloke in next bed is a decent geezer gulf war 1 vet with gulf war syndrome and post traumatic stress, and high blood pressure. I buy him a paper I am the only one deemed fit to walk. I come back to the room and feel like death, obviously a lazy lush. My head is bursting can I have something yes Mr C…paracetamol they are not touching it says I. I want to see a Doctor ….they inform one apparently by second class carrier pigeon. This goes on till Sunday night I am getting pissed off now the boyy in pain is not pleasant. Wife demands a doctor he sees me, does a competent neuro exam and then hey presto looks at the CT scan report. Hes to scared to face me so sends his boss. Both nice guys he says what do you thinks happened Mr Clare, I can tell from their tone I have been upgraded and I no longer flying in Lush class. I have had a brain bleed says I, but I am pessimistic hypochondriac I jape. Nope you’re right, we better transfer you to the Neurological Unit in another hospital you have had a subarachnoid haemorrhage. Oh shit…………………………………………………………..

Sunday late start

2005-09-20T16:34:00.000+01:00

Not surprising given the lateness of the hour. Forgot to say in yesterdays post that I have been referred to Professor Kinderman a Clinical psychologist. Not sure what for but if prof morriss rates him that will do me. Took it easy Sunday Jean is tired and has an interview tomorrow. Catch up with the andrew in the pm and discuss matters geeky relating to the site. Always good.
Monday.
Jean comes home at lunchtime I prepare a delicious salad lunch warm chicken and bacon number. She goes off for the interview and I worry. Ally texts me to say she got an A* in her ICT coursework which makes me impressed proud and not in the last bit surprised. Jeans got the job and I am going to get 86 pound a week incapacity benefit so happy days.

Saturday old friends new faces.

2005-09-20T16:21:00.000+01:00

Well it arrived I started the day not really wanting to go anywhere. Whilst at the same time wanting to see old friends. I took mum to tesco to get her prescription filled out, big job she's on that many pills. I will blog nannas pills when I do her attendance allowance claim. Great to see old faces and mnice to meet new ones. I meet my first ever body piercer. Not the person whpo first pierced my body, but the first of that professional group I have encountered. As a male student nurse I was understudy to a barber and spent many a happy Sunday afternoon shaving the collected nethers of Warringtons menfolk.
All goes surprisingly well and we tip out at 1am tut tut.

Thursday Friday and a sackful of blues

2005-09-18T14:59:00.000+01:00

Still feeling pretty awful. Not looking forward to the Liverpool meet on Saturday which is odd because I shall be seeing some old friends, which will be good. The melancholia encompasses all. The letter from the prof gets me down. Still no word from the social. I take Ally to the orthodontist drop her at school and then its on to mike and janes to drop the roofbox off. Mike doesn't do emotion or mental health. He jumped out of mental health as soon as he could - preferred intensive care where the patients couldn't speak. Stilll they make me feel a bit better about myself. Then its off to my sisters to fix the computer.
Enjoyed it job done lunch long chat about ma and off home. Tea then out to B's sorted out a few things with some of the wlsinfo crew.

One letter thats all it took

2005-09-17T12:34:00.000+01:00

It really did knock me for six I spent most of Wednesday doing nothing except feeling crap. Sick in my stomach and turning into the poor wretch that the letter described. Rumination is a good word, I have a gluttonous appetite for that too, throw self depreciation into the mix and happy days are here again. I fire off an email to Frank dispenser of wisdom and pills. Somrthing in my mind nags me that I should be seeing old prof M in September - it takes me three hours to shake out of the inertia and ring his secretary. I was right. I had an appointment at 2.30 trouble is its 4pm - Shit I hate DNA's (do not attends) big waste of time. But in the profs schedule probably just means he finishes 2 hours late instead of 3. Kathy his secretary is really nice but I feel pants about it. Ally says reassuringly if he treats bipolars he probably used to it. I hate being so badly organised it sucks. My limbs feel heavy and my head and heart feel like lead. I burden nell with my thoughts and when you feel this crap you worry that your mood will taint those near. Feel better with the girls around less time to ruminate.

More Social security and pension stuff.

2005-09-15T12:26:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I got a letter from the Department of Work and Pensions asking for my bank account details for my DLA. I have already give them this on the claim form. Is this a positive sign or merely a cruel tease. I am beginning to feel a bit worried - the wheels of the benefit people grind slowly. I definitely did put the details on the form. I rang the benefits enquiry line, they referred me to to the DLA claim line who tell me they need my details before they send me a decision. happy days.
Next through the post is another stunning letter, from Occupational Health at Aintree. Its a copy of his report on my in response to Doc Hibberts request.Whilst I am sure it will help in the DLA and Pension challenge it dont make me feel very good seeing the expertly written view of my presentation and prognosis. It doesnt feel like me but I think I should lie down on the settee and watch some daytime telly and wait for me giro.
Bipolar type 2 (a chronic mood disorder).

Tuesday

2005-09-15T10:12:00.000+01:00

Start the day with an appointment with Frank (GP not barber). Top man as ever he thinks I am doing very well and keeping a remarkably even keel with all the uncertainty in my life. He prescribes some cognitive therapy and gives me home work. I shall more fully explain in a later post. He prays with me and taked my blood pressure. Us bipolar boys are at greater cardio vascular risf (especially us fat ones). Then its off to get JK always a tonic a man with a useless factoid for every occaision and some very useful ones as well as a cracking set of a variety of skills.

Up to the <a href="http://www.cpliverpool.com/">Crowne Plaza</a> to pick up mac and jude. Then its up <a href="http://www.aintreehospitals.nhs.uk/">aintree hospital</a> to drop em off. A tip dont view in firefox the NHS dont believe it exists. Grrrrrrrr.Sloppy web coding.

We drop them at the <a href="http://www.abbeyhospitals.co.uk/html/liverpool.html">Sefton Suite </a>(coz Mac was private)its currently impossible to get NHS bariatric surgery in Northern Ireland.

While they are doing the business we go to see Mary B a member of the NW group who is in the surgical assessment unit she dont look well and is fed up. Mac has done well 5 stone down since the op he is seven stone down since his first consult with the surgeon. Business done we head off for lunch at the <a href="http://www.visitsthelens.com/displayProduct.asp?product_key=44694&page_key=23&channel=vst1b">bottle and glass</a> on the rainford bypass. Then its off to the Asda Walmart giant store at Huyton much to Judes delight. You cant get George clothes in Northern Ireland.Drop em at the airport and i am off home for tea.

Cell group.

A great bunch of lads I decide todays the day I either get fully involved or stop abusing their hospitality and good will. Going to a meeting at <a href="http://www.frontline.org.uk/index.php">frontline</a> with Jean on Thursday.

It was a good meet and the clear unconditional love of the cell members mean theres something special going on.

Pompey 1 - Toffees 0

2005-09-11T11:08:00.000+01:00

Happy days - still at least its raining at the Oval. I feel nervous in the crowd but the presence of Jean means I am ok. Meanwhile driving back across town, they are back out at the Oval, one more wicket and a few runs.
jean worked late thursday and Thursday was spent lunching with Andrew M looking well 3 stone on 6 weeks following his surgery. Still he was only a tiddler to start (under 30 stone is a tiddler).

Not good for my mental health

2005-09-10T16:03:00.000+01:00

Perched precariously on the top balcony of the main stand at goodison park. Watching a poor Everton performance against pompey. Perhaps they read the blog in which I dissed their fine city. Best performance of the day the crossbar.

Incapacity Benefit.

2005-09-08T16:31:00.000+01:00

This is turning into a saga now. I was due to attend a week on Wednesday Jean had rearranged her diary and then I got a letter Monday telling me to present myself for Interview at Belle Vale Job centre plus. I arrive in good time and greeted by a pleasant lady at a reception desk. I am concerned by the fact she is flanked by two security men. When I see my fellow job seekers I see why. There seems to be a mix of bleak desperation, apparent indifference and an alarming amount of teenage mums. I took my mum I cant face that sort of stuff on my own. She is soon passing judgement on the benefit entitlement of ssome of my fellow claimants. She does this in best old lady top of voice style. There is more carpet and computers than I recall from my last claim in 1977 but the same sense of humiliation pervades.
Jane the assistant processes me, she asks me for my copy of the telephone interview? I explain about the appointment being brought forward and she dissapears off to a bank of laser printers. She comes back goes through things and I sign. me having a job seems a a complication. They ask some odd questions. Which I have already answered. She takes my passport and my driving licence. She asks whats wrong with me and then reads the form - her "oh I see look" tells it all. Clearly my card is marked "barking - handle with care". She tells me to sit and wait for Lois a dimunitive woman who is clearly making someones life a misery. After having dipensed with her she calls me over. She apologises for her sore throat and lack of voice no problem says I, " I am deaf." It would appear she is too. She is an adviser - she advises me the government want me to go back to work. I advise her that would rather be healthy free from this illness and back at work. This riposte floors her a little and belief is suspended, she turns into Ricky Gervais and gives me a "your health is more important than money speech, I expect her to pull a guitar from under her desk and sing me a ditty. She doesnt thats it you can go.
So erm I hate to say this but am I getting anything - oh that has to go to the decisionmaker and I may go to Mann Island - sort of like Robben Island plus. I should just continue putting in my sick notes to this office and at this point I say I havent done so. This clearly isnt scripted, where have they been going - so you have a job she says in a way that makes me feel ashamed. Why didnt you say, I did there under employer South Liverpool PCT. So we need your sicknotes - no worries I have them here copies as requested she gets Jane who inspects them they arent good enough we want originals. Deep Joy. Benefits - easy.
I take Mum off to New Brighton a moribund seaside town 30 years past its sell by date. She loves it decay and fruit machines, all you need. Seems that the New Brighton Job Seekers enjoy it here too. Felt a bit like Ripleys paradise in this decadent whirlpool. Home and Jean is overtime doing some Agenda for Change job matching. She is knackerred when she gets in.

Sunday Monday Tuesday

2005-09-08T11:00:00.000+01:00

Sunday taken up with a rich feeling of being alive, forgive my last indugent post but I felt it worth celebrating. 3 years ago I was facing a major op or alternatively becoming wheelchair bound increasing depressed and heavier. An overiding thought was how would Jean push me - I wondered about a train of huskies but my fear of dogs precluded the investment. I like getting comments on the blog thanks sam still tuning in after 3 years. Kieran and my brother are occaisional visitors too. Jean and ally have been known to pop in and see what I am up too. Ally and i went to borders on Monday night she was suckered into a three for 20 notes deal DVD including vanity fair. She is a cracking girl I am immensely proud of her.
Tuesday sees her off to school and me of to the Lidl in search of walking poles for jean I head off to the London road branch and the store is being refurbed by a gang of local plasterers and german spaarks. I acquire some crayfish tails and smoked salmon, but no walking poles. Bloke in queue behind me has 3 litres cider rum and lime and and vodka ice or breakfast as he describes it.
Then off to the new kensington store a cornucopia of bizarre goods. I pick up a lightweight running jacket. off to cell group at night and good for me spiritually to connect with the boys.

Three Years in Three posts

2005-09-04T12:11:00.000+01:00

I thought to see how far I had come I would look at my op day, and each of the anniversaries since. All of this is captured on line (with the bits in between at http://kenclare.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, September 04, 2002 The day I had my op.

Chits

It came too me in the night as a blinding flash, they are what we need in t=
he NHS, their reintroduction could solve 99% of ills.For those who dont kno=
w a chit is a piece of paper, signed by someone in authority, which has mag=
ical powers. When I trained as a nurse in the late seventies they were the =
lifeblood of the hospital. Produced from a simple numbered duplicate book =
with a piece of carbon paper they were the open sesame to a world. Armed wi=
th a chit you could queue in central stores for hours. Your chit would be c=
losely examined by an exmilitary man with a tash, a long brown coat and a =
pencil behind his ears, he would frown look you up and down and dissapear i=
nto the netherworld "round the back" He would emerge from round the back s=
ome time later with the goods, A chit could get you anything........woodbin=
es, patients for the use of, or guinness or even mackesons. A chit got me a=
three piece suit once, and 30 sausage rolls. The best chit of all was one =
requesting a blank book of chits, armed with this golden ticket you could g=
et a book for yourself and have hours of fun. I think they may have stopped=
them because they were open to abuse. I think they tried to replace em wit=
h the reqqy or even new fangled computer systems. Eric Chitty was for me th=
e chit-meister general, he loved them so much he changed his name to honour=
them. He found stardom in later life as the old bloke in please sir, A cla=
ssroom based 70's sitcom.
Chits, gawd bless 'em c'mon alan mliburn, we are all chitless here put it r=
ight, lets get central control back properly in this system. Can I be the c=
hit czar please?=20
If anybody is still reading this please let me know. =20

Disclaimer

anything written in the next 48 hours or so is completely deniable and will=
be attributed to lack of food, sleep excess drugs or post op psychosis - y=
ou have been warned. The computer I am using (known as jornada) had flat ba=
tteries this morning, i probably left it switched on but there is a nigglin=
g doubt that the night guards made merry on it all night. Any way i had a p=
oor nights sleep and had plenty of time to spout material for this blog and=
the first 7 volumes of my autobiography.I'll see if I can preserve some of=
the less bizarre stuff for posterity here.

looks like i'm not going to theattre till 4 or 5. anaesthetist says there i=
s a bed in ITU. and my new bigboy bed has arrived at the ward. jean has bee=
n in and gone off to see her mate in ot over in the main building. Mr kerri=
gan has been in and I told him I'd put together a website for the service f=
or him. He introduced me to Jeff a fine character who had the op last june =
and has gone from 32 to 14 stone. He was a great bloke and it was really go=
od to get the user perspective on it. I feel so much better after talking =
to him. He said the first few days are terrible but keep foccussed. He also=
summed the difficulties of being obese in 4 great sentences, and pointed o=
ut how they had changed now. He showed me his belly and told me he is off f=
or some cosmetic surgery later in the year.

Probably my last posting for a while - who knows how long, hopefully jean a=
nd ally will keep you informed. Visitors welcome after tomorrow. Jeff has j=
ust been in to see me and jean. It was great to be able to speak to someon=
e who knew exactly what i was going through. Catch you later. =20

5.30 and still on the ward. The laterit gets the less I feel like its going=
to happen. It cant be cancelled again can it?

Ally's news update live from the Clare household

21:18 in theatre now- wonder when he is going to get out

Thursday, September 05, 2002

:-) Dad out of theatre at 23:30 4/09/02 he is fine on a drip and oxygen for a bit he is groggy :-( and tired |-(zzzzzzzz so not the bst mood natch bye bye night night

Friday

Wale up in the Leofric strange gaff. Only two coffee sachets, they soon go. off for breakfast coffee machine is broke so its jugs. Smoked haddock so the lady feels bound to tell me of her time as a fish gutter. No need honest. Leave the hotel engage the ring road again. not pleasant but find the Conference venue. get there in the end quite pleasnt. Sign in delegate pack and off to the liason desk to find a gaff for presentation writing purposes. Find same and set up base camp. Goes well, finds lady who is faint who first aid staff bring in here. Turns out it is the green room type space. Meet a couple of speakers. Finish presentation eventually. Give it to Brenda the manager. HAve a look at the conference exhibition a place I dont enjoy. Go to lunch have salmon, and pasta and a bit of chicken. Meet three docs ok in parts I guess. They notice I am a speaker hear what I am talking about then dont come. Lunch lays heavy - nerves? Then over to the arts centre for the gig. The first speaker doesnt turn up so it all gets a bit fraught. Goes well though my obesity ad goes on a bit I enjoyed it thought lights and radio mikes aint for me. Leave coventry at 3 arrive Hilton park 5.30 due to queues and a grass fire. Chicken soup and a pancake in Little Chef. Drive home phone calls and a load of yes on the way. Top stuff straight to Beas then home good to be back.

Sunday

Up early and off to buy hoover bags decide the old model is pooped and get a new one from tesco old swan. 35 notes. Good move. Back home and a few things sorted. Family arrive lunch a little late but goes down well indoor barbeque. Me ana Ally trot off to Tesco express for fishy treats. Back home and eat em.
Did a couple of posts on wlsinfo - I thought I would share em here
Well two years crept up on me - two years ago at this very hour I was in a theatre having an open Roux-en-Y. I was 34 stone not expecting to either a) wake up, and in the unlikely event that I would b) Lose any weight. I had a turbulent immediate post op period, people have had far worse than me since but at the time it was poop. To be told at 29 stone that you were experiencing hallucinations due to starvation was weird. The site essentially arose as a diversion from vomitting. I had a gastroscopy in Jan 2003 and things went great from there on in. Weight loss wise and health wise I went great. In May that year I went high, quite literally followed by a depressive episode in the December confirmed my diagnosis of Bi-polar affective disorder.
In between all that the site won an award at the NOF and I was nominated for and won the RCN gastro nurse of the year. Weight loss continued in that first year until about 13months. Then stopped dead. I had sort of followed Janes protein thoughts. Ended up eating this high protein low carb low fat diet. I had become a gym monster and was chuffed when me, Jean, my surgeon and my trainer ran together in the 5k corporate cup in Liverpool. All good habits and I was doing well. Looking back at the time of the annual meet I was depressed but to meet again with old friends was great. So I started 2004 on mood stabilisers and was chugging along at work fine till the peritonitis struck in may. Adhesions due to my appendicectomy 20years ago led to an obstruction which near finished me off. Thats all sorted now, peritonitis and pneumonia knocked it out of me but the good physical shape I was in helped.
So here I am back to the gym this week looking back at 2 years in which I have lost loads, gained more, and shared with some of the best most sincere people that I have met.
3 years ago I was referred by the obesity clinic for cognitive behavioural therapy. At that time despite my confident middle manager jolly fat man appearance, I was instead feeling worthless, I believed I was a FLUB (fat lazy useless b******) It didn't help with my eating but made me convinced that positive action was the way. So I went looking for surgery, and found it.
A meeting with Hil(phantomlodge) led to me thinking setting this site up was a way forward.
The rest is well documented elsewhere on here.
So what have I lost
About 18 stone (dont know and dont care).
22 inches off my waist.
DLA
Blue badge
Ability to drink with meals
The real taste I had for fine malt whiskey.

What have I gained well this maybe a big list. Health
Better life expectancy
Better quality
Increased mobility - from less than 100 yards to miles.
Increased self esteem - the feeling of confidence and pride.
A network of friends across countries. Some of these friends have worried me several times peoples lives seemed at risk.
Support and encouragement from people on a no strings attached business.
A sense of helping people that has far eclipsed anything I ever felt in clinical nursing or management.
I started a project and sustained it ( a biggie for me - ask Jean, clare towers is full of half finished schemes)
National recognition
A real sense of pride.
Laffs some nights I have laffed till I have ached, ( sorry about the beast stories).
A blog.
A lot of knowledge, though the more I learn about surgery and its consequences I realise a)how little I know and b) how different each individuals experience is.
And loads more
So when I look back and I realise what this family been thro in the last 2 years and what we got to look forward to I do it with a sense of achievement and pride. A bloomin nice feelin for sure.
So good luck to all the people who travel this road with me - whether you are way along the road or just thinking about putting your foot on the road. I hope this place helps make he journey easier - it certainly has for us.
and this called champagne moments
When we return from holiday we always get asked what was the champagne moment? The bit that you will always remember- well this journey has produced a few for me and I thought I would like to share them.
Getting referred to weight management clinic.
Meeting the doc there and knowing from his eyes he really wanted to help me.
The nurses scurrying round underneath me to measure me waist.
The big comfy chair.
Him listening not judging.
Going to see the dietitian Karen Slevin - her telling me to eat more. (breakfast)
Her convincing me I wasnt lazy and making me feel less worthless.
Being listened to when I argued against getting put on Orlistat.
Going for cognitive behavioural therapy (Kay McBean) which gave me some interesting insights to how I got to 34 stone. Also helped me to decide on grasping life rather than lying back to die slowly through obesity.
Beng gobsmacked when I went armed for a fight about getting an op and the doc said well ken think its the surgical route for you.
Meeting Mr K being presented with hard facts and advised on an op didnt remember thought it was a Ross on Wye rang Lorraine his secretary next day.
Telling me mam and her crying for joy.
Last suppers boy I ate
More last supppers after being cancelled
Meeting Jeff Leach a post opper the day of my op
Going home.
The Mickey taking district nurses
Learning to walk 1 door at a time very slowly
clips out
the first weigh in
wiping me bum with ease
dryin me feet
going back to the gym
setting up the site with the challenge of learnin new skills
getting a gastroscopy and being a new man
meeting my first vbger
ditto dser
ditto bandster
going on holiday in york and doing tourist things on foot.
feeling bones poking through
getting busier on the site
the gasps when I went back to work
100 members
the site was skint it owed us, we were skint I went to church and prayed and that night someone put a Cheque thro the door for a ton fifty
being in the local paper
setting up the nw support group
not forming a dam in the bath
standing up to pee in a pub
seeing me in a mirror and jumping with shock
getting a new smaller car
being interviewed on the wireless
throwing away my crutches
reducing anti inflammatorys/pain killers
snoring less
buying clothes in M&S
a shirt for a fiver in asda
saying no thanks in a restaurant
the mansfield meeting
Giving back DLA (even harder than getting it)
http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/the_mansfield_seminar.htm

The dockers club http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/rogues_gallery.htm

Fun running http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/fun_runs.htm

National obesity forum being very proud http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/nof.htm

Nurse of the year stuff http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/nurse_2003_gig.htm

The chief medical officer of the UK askin me would I mind joining him for lunch
http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/rcn_gastro_gig.htm

Dudley our first national meet http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/dudley.htm

going on a rollercoaster for the first time in me life http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/images/btm1.jpg

Me and the sites birthday party in january http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/birthday_2004.htm

seeing people shrinking before me eyes and looking healthier.
seeing people waiting ages on the NHS get done
people telling me I saved their life
someone giving me their last quid at NW support group and saying we needed it more than she.
Laffing at meself on the telly.
Seeing people who were on the last legs fit and well
seeing the miracle of people looking younger everytime you see them.
But most of all the friends old and new I have gained through this place
And the best thing is I have plenty more moments to come.
What are your moments from your journey.

Day 2

2005-09-03T15:32:00.000+01:00

Its a fine feeling when I wake up though oddly I feel hungover?? Breakfast on branflakes topped with a few of the devils crunchy nut cornflakes. Then out for a shop in this new heathy world I opt for hoofing it. Its a nice walk to tesco I don't know how far but I do a good pace and a long stride and with shopping I am an hour. (Ten mins max in store). A brisk walk back and I am sweating with the effort - good home lunch is prawn salad and wholemeal baton (well a bit of one).
Tinkering in the afternoon then its a walk down to Ruth and Pauls for Jeans mums birthday party. I eat well focus on protein and have small piece of raspberry cheesecake and pecan pie.
Home and we have a drink having decided to I miss out beer and stick to wine. Still nice and bed, night night.

Apologies for the break in service then

2005-09-03T15:10:00.000+01:00

I was just explaining my breakfast problem when I pressed the wrong key and it was sent. So the cereals cupboard looked bare, not good doc c has told me breakfast is important and I don't have access to much good stuff so I go for two slices of toasted french bread with jam. The bread is ok the grease is the killer. Ally of to docs with a shocking throat, visit ma go to to tesco. Pick up provisions ham salad for lunch and a wholemeal roll. Very nice, then its off to Greenbank for a meet with a nice girl from the BBC to discuss a possible project, this is just a chat for background, JK comes along for the ride.
Bump into Dave and Maria at gym. Jack berates me for sparse gym attendance.
Then its home chicken (no skin) with baked potato and side salad very nice I have three pieces of fruit through the day and have upped my fluid intake. Done well end the day with some bread and jam. Don't feel deprived and feel positive. Did some measurements.
Weight - 18stone 11lbs 4lb up since last weigh in June.
Waist as per fat man slim measuring instructions 48".
Body fat is written down somewhere but not committed to PC.
BP 150/106mmHg
RHR 58.
No booze a good day

New month new lifestyle

2005-09-01T14:03:00.000+01:00

It will be no secret to the regular blog watcher that I have gained a tad of weight and am not happy about it. Jean and I made a concious decision that after the holidays we would attempt to turn the supertanker round. So after much mussels frites cidre and vin they day is here.
I have decided to follow the Fatmanslim programme. It was going to the reductil lifestyle pack (without the reductil). On reflection and analysis its the gentle Scots voice of Dr Ian Campbells Fatmanslim for me. I chose this for a couple of reasons
A) I know the bloke trust respect and like him.
B) its online
C) I'll be seeing Ian in six weeks so I can give some feedback, and that's a good target in itself
D)its written for blokes and is evidence based.
So I have listened to the getting started section and it all made sense and seemed doable.
Fell at the first hurdle the holiday clearout had seen off my healthy cereal. So I went for

On the benefits bus.

2005-09-01T10:26:00.000+01:00

A hurried start to the day JK picked me up to reclaim the car from GBE Lookers. I actually felt sorry for the bloke who was a lousy liar sat there spinning yarns. I was embarrassed for him, though that doesn't justify the aggro and grief that the lousy service I experienced caused. Then its running round to catch my sister at my mums, take the rabbit to the vet and get holiday prints done at asda. Pick up a few groceries and saddened that the lady points out how polite and unusual my thank you was.
All done its time to call the jobcentre plus helpline. Plus - my arse. It must have been really bad before. After a queing system and recorded message designed to drive away but the most determined and deaf. I get through the boy is helpful but assumes a) its ok to address me by my christian name and b)its ok to call me kenneth.
So I filled in this 30 odd page form which they sent me 3 weeks ago and they sent back to me saying there is a new procedure and I need to ring the call centre. So the boy reads the script. Keeps calling me kenneth can't answer questions till the end. All the easy stuff date of birth NINO (National Insurance number). He seems to be a learner struggling with each bit. He asks me why I am off sick bipolar affective disorder says I is that progressive, something I don't remember, which it wasn't or past, which it isn't. So he says its progressive! Computer says yes I may be entitled to something so now he says his colleague will book me in for a firther telephone interview and I shall have to go into the job centre. To produce documents. Intereting and other stuff. Then its off to the curry house to dine with JK and Jodie. Top stuff, two starters and bed.

Thursday evening at L'Anchorage

2005-08-26T13:27:00.000+01:00

We settle on this for our special meal out the two of us. The place is heaving and is predominant French diners which seems a good sign. Madame cuts an imposing figure and guide us to a nice table for two between two nice french couples who greet us pleasantly. Immediatly struck by the proximity of tables here what I thought were foursomes turn out to be couples. The food coming in and out looks brill. Huge assietes de fruits de mer. The gaff does simple grilled lobster and a choice of crabs. The assiete appeals in its presntation and elegance, byt I don't like oysters and whels seem a waste, winkles don't rate a mention. We opt for Kir Breton as aperitif, its a blackcurrant and cidre combo. A sort of sophisticated cider and black. The menu is awesome, we are truly spoilt for choice.
So starters Jean goes for saumon tartare. Which is a delicious mix of raw salmon, apple, onion and chives with a balsamic dressing. It is served with creme fresh and chive sauce for adding to it.
I head for petroncenelles force (sp) which is stuffed queen scallops. Wowser it was great. Mains gets better Jean does pan fried St Jacques and. I opt for gougonettes de st pierre (john dory) in a creme moules sauce. It was terrific we had some Muscadet and some Cointreau as a digestif. It came to a steep 110€ which would have been ok but over here puts it in the pricey end. But it was worth it for such a gastronomic delight.
Before Jim the editor starts wondering why I chose to post this to menshealth land, I would point out two reasons.
Firstly many people don't understand the effects of bariatric surgery. I won't people to know that at three years out I can sort of eat normally. I also need to remind myself to email a books pubblisher pointing that out.
My second reason for posting it here is about how my bi-polar affects me spending wise. When high I can (and do) go on spending sprees. With a passion for high tech gadgetry and accessible spending thro the web its a 24/7 thing even when you're the only one awake ebay and amazon are at work. Combined with ridiculous credit limits and fresh offers through the post its not hard to see the recipe for disaster. During my last manic phase I bid a few times on a 1972 Dennis pump escape ex Kent fire serices. Seemed like a good plan to me. The lack of storage space or mechanical savvy to maintain it meant nowt to me. When I am down I have delusions of poverty, even though I can see the money in the bank I don't believe its mine or spendable. I make jean acccount for every penny spent. I am racked with guilt about financial decisions and mistakes I have made in the past. I begrudge spending money on me, feeling unworthy of outlay. Last night I had a blip about the bill it shocked me that it was so much and I wondered whether I was worth it. Jean is worthy of more than that but within me, the self loathing doesn't see the worth.
Part of this week and this time of rest and relaxation has taught me I have to learn to give to me as freely as I give to others. I am a good person, though on the black days I feel far from that. Worries about my ill health retirement wll no doubt knock me again. I long ago stopped defining who I was by my status in the NHS, think it was about 1982 when I passed my finals, status is for jerks I always felt, but that was cause I had it. Wonder if I'll feel different soon.

Health update and Wednesday generally.

2005-08-24T19:43:00.000+01:00

So I thought I should take a look at how my health has been affected by the holiday. So firstly happy birthday blog three years old today. Never thought it would last its surprised me. I think the blogging has helped from a health point of view too. Often looking back how I have been up and down it helps. Also helps to get it down on paper so to speak. So the holiday is good for me and good for Jean and Ally. I am eating well but exercise is up I find some of the situations quite difficult being deaf and not very good at French causes real awkward situations.
Physical health well let's analyse it.
I am not drinking enough water.
I am drinking too much alcohol cidre and wine.
I am taking a very good level of exercise.
I am sticking to pouch rules. (A rnyers essential mantra).
I am 100% compliant with psychtropics and about 80% compliant with supplements.
Last night I woke with a coughing fit that seemed linked to posture. Ie when I sat up it stopped. I was knakkered and it stuck with all day. I had a sore throat too, the coughing and spluttering had lef me with plueritic pain.
Mentally you can see I still have a strong psychosomatic element to my feelings. My mood is up and down, but still on the low side. I have very odd ideas with no strong basis. I speak to Jean she reminds me I am off on one and brings me down to earth.
The being away from worries and stuf helps.
So today I fulfilled an achievement and went to the top of the abbey at Mont St Michel. Last time I had been here I sat miserable in the carpark, today I have been up to the top and it feels great. We lunch in a pleasant place and I eat langoustines, delicious. Then back to the house wet and through a mess of people. Then Colin drops the girls and I at the cybercafe. Had a laff tring to upload my images on cf card ended up with them on cd - hey ho. Back home spag bog for tea and colins off into town to watch everton try to get into europe.

Wednesday health update.

2005-08-24T15:59:00.000+01:00

This may be a game of two halves I am sat in st malo cybercafe and there are no empty desks. The nice man has burned my photos to a cd.

Should have listened to Nobby.

2005-08-22T13:14:00.000+01:00

Nobby Forbes was our language teacher in first year seniors. I was terrified of him, he was a great teacher, a great man and was mentioned in the Colditz story. I should have taken advantage of his ability to impart the gift of languages. Instead I horsed about big time and wasted my chance. Its payback time. I woke up early and took a stroll around sleeping Marville I happen along a cross between an off licence and hardware shop. Staff it with Arkwrights gallic cousin and you'll see what I am getting at. First part is easy self serve sucre, cafe, comfiture, margarine, jambon and fromage prove more difficult. When it comes to milk things go down hill fast. I ask for lait s'I'll vous plait - he offers me garlic and goes on to attempt to proffer suggestions. I avoid the milking gestures and mooing sounds as I am uncertain of French mental health legslation. I give up and we go for black coffee. I feel ashamed over my ignorance at this mans fine language. Interestingly I used to be better than this but my confidence is shot. I find it haard to even attempt. After breakfast much welcomed by my housemates its Colin and I to intermarche. Fine facility with all a holiday. Maker needs. Most impressed by the fish counter and the British aisle end. They have us clocked with our cruchies OXO and HP sauce. Fine complex Colin purchases nice cakes then home. We lunch in the garden on hand built pizza and the girls have calzone. Off to St.Malo by bus number 3 stopping outside L'Hippodrome the jorney is memorable for two reasons. 1. Its low cost €1.20 and 2. The presence of an unkempt armed elderly Russian sailor. Not sure if he is a comedy turn or the real mccoy. Might be armed and fuelled on cheap stolly. Leave him be says I. Bus drops you a spit fromthe walls and we split up. Girls much round town we tramp the ramparts. Taken by the view across the bay and its many islands. Its lovely and with hot sun and brisk wind I feel better already. To be continued.

Uncertainty

2005-08-19T13:50:00.000+01:00

Part of managing my bi-polar is about minimising uncertainty and preventing anxiety by planning and preparing structure. The pendulum magazine (from the manic depressive fellowship which arrived this am) contains no helpful chapters on complete freakin disasters. This is rapidly detiorating to to that level I feel feel unable to cope on several levels, my anxiety which usually makes me restless has now paralysed me. The phone doesn't stop colin and jenny pop in the situation changes by the minute.
Stomach churns and bowels try to perform the same maneouvre. I aint sure what chemical I am producing but it isn't good. Don't do the 72 jobs I was meant too.
Light shines when dave the garage man says would I mind if it wasn't diesel. I wouldn't mind if it was a rickshaw mate. After 6 when he hasn't rung I write him off. I feel I can't go on holiday I am. Just too ill, going to bed on burying myself in a warm cocoon seems a good plan.
A cunning plan borrow mickeys zafira with integral top box. Seems a go-er to me. He discusses it with jane and fatima at the outsourced call centre. Its a goer. Bad news keeps coming its gonna cost good news its ten quid.
We set off micks face tells it all its a no go unless we take jane or him fatima had it wrong. No worries we take the box. Becomes clear that it won't fit either on the zafira or the laguna without an additional purchase. Get it in the back then off the plastic pub at winwick quay for a terribble pint of smoothflow tetley.
Off home jean makes colin a butty did I mention he is locked out of his house. He kips on the couch.

Next morniing git from the garage rings and asks how its going - mistake - I tell him. My heads gone colin tried 3 halfords couldn't get the bits required. Somwhow we squeeze in but I worry as ever. By 11 we are on the road. We are on the m6 snd the rides good but the traffics pants.

This is not good for my mental health.

2005-08-19T11:41:00.000+01:00

Day starts ok. Pick ally up and we breakfast in tesco then its to the surgery for a quick appt with dr birch or so I thought. 10 minute wait 5 minute breakdown of my previous medical history and reason for attending (ie issuing a sicknote). Then 30minute discussion covering faith self loathing obesity surgery bi-polar loss of a parent cricket computers church and prayer. This boy is holistic powerful stuff. Out of there and off to see mum. Message to ring jean not good car aint gonna be ready. Head flips. Trying to get me a replacement car, problem seems to be going to Europe. Oh dear 12 or so fone calls. This isn't pretty. I feel sick, my pessimism flicks into hyperdrive. 10000 scenarios are played out in my scared mind. I can suddenly multiprocess and concentrate with alarming ease. My vision seems clearer than ever, all things flowing into a pit of despair.

Tis Wednesday the sun shines

2005-08-17T20:15:00.000+01:00

I feel brighter today. Only forget six or seven times ALly is away. Quiet am doing this and that. Ally rings from hairdressers something tells me she's not best pleased. I talk with a friend who recently had wls. Post op blues is common tied in with a sense of loss and experiencing this rollercoaster of emotions thaty is trundling upwards. Like most blokes he has hidden away on his dark days. I do that, I tell him to get in touch but he reads this site and didn't want to add to my woes. Two points mate a) reading this stuff may be detrimental to your health and b) support is a 2 way street. I am a great bliever in a co-counselling model. In my world there is no therapist and no patient, we all just shuffling along.
The weather is good ( think I already said that). Get an email from someone who got a website card who recognised my nan on the site who lived three doors up from her. Turns out me mum is her godmother small world innit.
Off to the top score cash and then into the coffee shop. There's Sam top woman from SLPCT. We take tea together and have a good catch up. She's sound. Still blog watching too. Then its back home with the butties.
Incapcity benefit form - deep joy. 40 pages of dreary stuff. I can't do it but Jean does the main bit. Will only be a short term thing I think whilst I am waiting on a pension. Its a means tested benefit unless you are on the higher rate care component of DLA.
We complete the form in the garden then a much appreciated visit from kieran.

Monday - DIY and stuff.

2005-08-16T12:16:00.000+01:00

Do it by someone else would be nearer. First job is drop motor off at GBE. JK follows me then gives me a lift home. We visit strange magical places I have never been in. Trade Ironmongers and locksmiths. Good job he is in command I am immediately transported back to second year of secondary school and the delight of asking the teacher for a bastard file. We buy locks keys bolts and stuff impressive. Then its back to ours and he shows me how easy it is to break in via a patio door. Took us ten seconds and we were being careful. He sorts that the front door and the back door. We listen to cricket in between. He shoots off and comes back an hour later. We are getting interviewed by http://www.lse.ac.uk/collections/sociology/whoswho/throsby.htm Karen is sound. We met her February the day I went off sick. She is doing a bit of work that you can read about part of http://staff.bath.ac.uk/psssr/weightyissues-spkrs.html near the bottom of this. She is a top sort, she doesn’t mind waiting a bit while we watch some cricket. Interview complete Jean Ally and Jodie join us for a meal at the Madhari. Top stuff.

Hope I get the car back Tuesday. Facelift time for blog me thinks.

On feeling fat and miserable.

2005-08-16T11:14:00.000+01:00

Yes I have put on weight. I know why, my consumption of energy has exceeded my energy expenditure. Its Newtonian physics simple stuff, first law of thermodynamics.

Booger. This could drag me down further into an abyss, I could start to believe that this is the beginning of the end. That within months I will crack twenty stone and all is lost.

Or alternatively I can sit down and rationally make a plan (that would be a first). So I need to decrease energy intake and increase energy expenditure.

Initial obstacle is our holidays which loom large. I have a date with moules frites, lobster, cider and many other local specialties. Breakfast is a feast in France for me, after a trot to the boulangerie its croissant jambon and fromage. So serious plans will be adjourned. Just start applying the brakes to the supertanker between now and Friday have a good holiday then back into gear. Jean and I resolve to do something in September. Diets don’t do it for me but I need structure.

Reductil is a drug used to help manage obesity, I can’t go on it because it interacts with the prozac. They do however run a sort of programme you follow when you are on it. I got a few copies of the kit at a conference so I am going to try it. To fully register you need a batch number from a pack of the stuff but we shall do an unplugged version.

I shall document it in the blog for posterity, and to enable reflection.and I shall even be weighing and analyzing my body fat on a weekly basis. I need to get it under control before the NOF gig in October.

Still I have the holiday to look forward to and I cant wait.

Before anyone is tempted to castigate me for weight gain excessive consumption try this for three years, the phrase it isn’t a magic pill becomes very clear.

Seems clear I either tackle this head on – or sit vegetate and eat more.

Saturday feeling down.

2005-08-13T18:46:00.000+01:00

People often say they feel depressed, I wonder if they know what it means and how it feels. Today I feel ghastly. I dont want to bother with anything. I want to just get to bed, I feel a burden, useless and start dwelling on the negative things in my life. I start to worry about the future, not anything in particular money, health the future it all seems black.
I feel on the scrapheap - at 44. I worry that people think I am on the fiddle, I hate it that I look so well, and feel so crap. I see someone in the street and they say how are you - I generally say fine- most people dont really want any answer.
Actually I am stuck in a year long depressive phase of Bi-polar Affective Disorder - how are you.
Everything aches, everything is too much effort I am scared to say how I feel in case I taint everyone else. I dont know what to do.
We go to Cheshire Oaks an outlet village. After a 20 minute journey that took nearly an hour cause of the rain I feel yuk. Lunch in a food outlet in a food court. Yuk.
Then into a shop to purchase a waterproof jacket. I try a XXL and it doesnt touch. I run out panicking - is this the return of the fat bloke. I sweat and breathe quickly. I go to the car and calm down. I feel really down and black thoughts darken my horizon. I fight it and go to another shop. It fits, snug but zips. Then I look and see its only XL. The 2XL fits well check it out.

Thursday and Friday

2005-08-13T17:21:00.000+01:00

Knakkered car has a fuel problem. Needs to go in Monday. Lunch with Kim, Thursday, general chilling.Friday all off to orthodontist visit mum off home chillout.
Pick Frank and family up at ringway. Impressed with Kierans new database.

Heart stopping cricket

2005-08-08T18:06:00.000+01:00

It looked easy, but life has taught me things that look easy seldom are. The aussies were doing great worse still it was shane. Warne. Then he walked into his own stumps and we all laffed. Then it got shakey again. Then we won by 2 runs. It was a thrilling end to a great game. Then we hard to start getting ready for Jeans birthday tea. Having ther family round aint never easy and this is a full hit on jeans side plus my mam and eleanor from next door who we have adopted. She's as cool as a 92 year old gets. I have cross posted this to mens health blog and up till now it aint clear.
Its all going well then my sister in law asks me how I am - alweays a tough question when prefaced by you look great. There is no doubt physically I do. I have a tan that has took some work. I look in good shape though physically could be better. Hell I can even manage a few hours withou looking depressed. I can appear happy and smiling even inside I feel full of self disgust and loathing. Ask any fat bloke they can all do it. Jolly fat man les dawson done large. When you are trapped in a prison of your own making you learn to look happy. In fact a GSOH is an asset in all walks of life. So what wrong Bernadette asks. Then its every mental health problem sufferers dilemma - fess up or cover up. I am tending to fess up more to be honest. Though it can lead to some backing off, it kind of feels sincere and I swear people think its catching. Its nice to know if they do., usually they are the ones who say loudest there aint an issue, and you never see or hear from them again. !
Bernadette scores well ands isn't too phased. To be fair a minor phase is to be accepted. Most people think bi-polar is an american disease. Or that the weird bloke on casualty has it (and he came off his pills on sat night). Note to jim - a piece there bipolar in the media - how it affects my life.

Saturday busy busy busy

2005-08-06T21:45:00.000+01:00

Getting ready for Jeans birthday tea. Tesco delivery, watching a great days cricket. Freddie da boy shoves it up the aussies. Most enjoyable. Off to tesco and a stroll to Allerton Road to see the optician catch turgit and heather tweedle en route. Two new pairs of glasses and back for the shopping. Off home and pizza for tea. Trying to sort the relocation of andrew next week.

Friday continued

2005-08-06T21:24:00.000+01:00

We lunch in a pasta place. Then the drudge of going round shops and we have a coffee in costa at waterstones then home. I really don't like shopping home and tea. Off to beas friday night.

Relief done big

2005-08-05T05:53:00.000+01:00

It’s all a bit anti-climactic having been on this roller coaster the last weeks and tossed in all directions I feel able to settle. I am exhausted. I whip Ally to an appt and while an hour blogging from Tescos coffee shop. Puzzled by the fact that you can’t get fresh orange in the there even more puzzled that the lady says I cant go buy one in the store and then drink it in there. But hell I rebel and do. A glass of fresh OJ is an essential start to anyday for me. I chug around pick Ally up then back home. Catch up with a couple of people then its off to get mum and pick JK and Jody up. We are doing Southport for a fun day out. Southport is a genteel seaside place where nice old people retire and the orange lodge visit on the 12^th July. There is no sea - well there is but its miles away. As the ladies play prize bingo we stroll along the pier, nice history to be found here. A trot round the town and mother feels complete. He says chronic liver and kidney and heart difficulties on top of diabetes and a worrisome personality but she gets by.

Wednesday Franks and St Pauls.

2005-08-04T21:09:00.000+01:00

So its off to franks for the nine twenty slot. In we get he reads letter from eye bloke ok need to rule out pituitary tumour Asap. Two choices and its up to me. 1) normal referral st pauls and wait mebbe 6 weeks. 2) go down today with letter and experience stress but get quick answer. We pick 2.
Back home see ally tell her, go to st p in the royal. Then we are off. Get fields redone, then told the mornings doc knocking off and come back at 2 to see another guy.
Not sure what we can do and to be honest this poleaxes us. So the foody in me reigns supreme and we off to the other place bistro in town. Cept its changed its name it looks similar but is now called the side door. The nice lady who owned the 2 other places in allerton has flogged them and her partner is the chef here.
Anyway I do calves liver and miustard mash and jean does goats cheese and onion tart interestingly also chosen by fellow diners alan yates and sue rubin of merseycare. Good old sue she doesn't change much but I don't let on. Brisk trot back past cathedal I pass some prayers via the paddys wigwam which to them I guess is a broadband connection to God.
This bloke is fantastic a registrar but already a Mr. He takes an extensive history and is impressed with franks thourough referral and the opticians visual field report. He is impressed with my blackberry and is clearly a gadget bloke. I take to him immediatly. He is able to exclude pituitary probs from the fields. I have a consistent abnormality across 3 tests. I was worried I was missing something. He examines. My eyes so thoroughly I can't believe it. He stains them with drops then does it again. He then says he needs to dilate my pupils, checks I am not driving and does the deed. Come back in 20 says he. We head of for coffee and I remember what. Its like having these drops on a bright day. Jean sees some old colleagues. Then back down wait about 10 and its in again. More examination, jean has joined us this time. He has a good look and he decides I have tilted optical nerves and an anomaloy in my visual field defect. Nothing to worry about but come back in 2 month!
s to see low pressure glaucoma specialist.
Deep joy eyes now hurting from brightness of light I hold Jeans elbow to navigate to the carpark. She drives home I have my eyes shut. We have been through it and its been exhausting but we through it.
Relief juice now changed to celebration juice.

Walking in the city

2005-08-04T18:46:00.000+01:00

So we chug around the leafier bits of gateacre and nether childwall. Its a good resource and an enjoyable pace. Judging by the lager tins its a popular yoof outlet too. JK is as stated many times a diamond geezer he listens to my moanin and takes the piss. He doesn't do bland reassurance but shows he cares in more practical ways. He points out the upside of head cancer. He thinks I am overdue for a face transplant. Now that he is clearly a skinny short arsed git with no bum. Who is the ugliest is the main topic of discussion between us. He will win every time he has the looks of a movie star. Jackie coogan fester to his friends.
We discover the brown cow oft fancied but never visited lovely looking old time boozer looks great delivers little. We swiftly move on the blackbull a nice lookin gaff from the outside but plastic (albeit nice plastic inside). It has very really drun k regulars too. We end up in the childwall abbey. That's thwe best beer summer lightning.
Which was a good forecast for the totally understandable mood which greeted me when I arrived home. Jean understood that I needed what jk called relief juice. I am cacking it.

Loop line loopy

2005-08-03T12:17:00.000+01:00

Its 11.23 and just arrived in st pauls primary care centre.
Anyway back to yesterday past our house runs route 56 which runs from the pier head to th loopline, that becomes part of the trans pennine trail which is part of E8 which goes across europe. That's some cycle ride. Me and jk walk about the board at the triangle and work out how to get there. Down childwall park avenue past the mersey telly studios, home of brookie and hollyoaks. Past the parish church and then down well lane we pick up the track. Decision time southport or halewood we head south for halewood. Its the old cheshire lines railway loop line. So its a flat tarmacked path

Tuesday Doc Hibbert

2005-08-03T10:16:00.000+01:00

Its a lovely mornin, and we are off to aintree to see doc h. He is based in strathclyde, a former mental unit in the grounds of aintree. Opposite the vets at. The longmoor lane end. I have met him twice before a top man with real good manner. In october last year I saw him and begged him not to finish me up. Seems odd now. He listens to my sorry tale and asks pertinent well thought questions. He needs reports from the prof before moving forward - fair enough. He will write to the boss to. Its a lovely day but the stress of it all leaves me knackerred. We collapse in the garden and soak up rays. JK calls round earlier than expected, we all natter. Allys gone for a picnic and jean wants to be alone and chill. That's cool. I have researched a route tbc.......

Monday - I feel strangely calm

2005-08-02T11:58:00.000+01:00

Went to lunch at Greenbank with ally had a diifficult convesation about the tests and things we are then off to speke retail. I pick up some new earphones for pocket pc to replace mp3 player I flogged to macca. To be honest it was not a wise purchase. Anyway didn't lose too much in the deal and learnt a lot. Then its in to borders I sit listening to tunes blogging and chillin.
Whenever I stop diverting myself I worry I realise that in a couple of weeks I will look back and think - fooll you always think the worst. I hope
Jean comes in she looks worn out. Poor thing its worse for her. We eat prawns salad and get worried together, more of this to come for sure. I drink wine and watch crap omn telly. Worried about tomorrows occ health appt too. Deep joy

Monday morningh help from unexpected quarters

2005-08-01T15:35:00.000+01:00

Jean gets off to work she isn't feeling the best. Drops the letter at the surgery and has a cry when she gets into work. I can't concentrate I have several things to do but can't be bothered. Jim Pollard hails me on the Skype diamond geezer Jim. Speak to a few friends and surf the web. Find someful useful info and my view is I will be invesigated for a non secreting pituitary tumour. I don't think I have any of the secreting signs. I have some intermittent very odd heaches over the last 6 months, thought it was hypertension but bp ok. Can't reallly pin much else down - cept I am on a shed load of meds. We shall see. Anyway the process will generate material for the blog. Bright side trying to generate positives. Get some touching personal messages on the site.
Feelin a bit angry, the last three years I have had surgery endoscopy mania depression bipolar obstruction peritonitis pnuemonia depression. Feels like I done my share - can't I have some time off. OK whinge over I got lots of blessings too and I pulled through all this and will pull through. Bring it on.
Cancer giggles man do a google on it is a good grounder. Gallows humour here I come.

Sunday worries, mortality, and anxiety.

2005-08-01T09:15:00.000+01:00

Sunday morning expecting two pieces in the paper about WLS this am one I was involved in by Rachel Cooke in the Observer, and another a member approached the news of the world about. People are worried about them both, me more worried about the NOTW than the Observer. I hunt around online and find a shortened version at

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/review/story/0,6903,1539398,00.html worried about the three individuals involved two of whom have worries for different reasons. My 11.30 my paper copy hasn’t arrived so I hoof it to the top. Get one and by the time I get back ours has been delivered. Mixed but awareness raising is how I feel – a couple of ouch moments for individuals but on the whole it doesn’t come out too bad.

I have more crap going on about this referral. For a bizarre reason and a trigger I couldn’t find I start crying at lunchtime. I feel paralyzed by fear, terrified not of dying but of endless visits to hospital and waiting for results and all that entails. I couldn’t go the shops, couldn’t go on my pc, I watch some trash telly. Jean brings some food and something is point together, some meat balls and pasta I think but my mind has divorced my mouth and its not even registering as a meal.

This week also sees my visit to Occupational Health – to say I am bricking it about that is an understatement. I don’t really have my head round how it works. I see the amusingly named DR Hibbert at Occ Health. I met him a couple of times and begged him not to finish me off. I don’t know where we go from there. The afternoon drags I cant even get into one of fave trash movies the epic a bridge too far, my head is all over the place. Jean kips ally reads and I panic. We eat some salad in the garden, Shortly after tea Frank my GP rings, He is a friend and is looking for a lift to Manc airport next week. Sure says I, after a long How are you conversation.

Starts with are you sure you want to know, Frank as ever is the man. Need to get referred and rule out a pituitary adenoma, this seems to offer a useful factual statement http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/help/default.asp?page=5310

Have an Interesting, is this my anxiety fuelled by my irrational thoughts or is this on top of the interview scary stuff.

One is bad enough the two are a ball breaker – result being scared is natural. Frank also reminds me about my PTSD which is enuff to scare me more than any growth in the nut.

Can I point out that since worrying about this, this am I have an increasing incidence of neurological signs. These range from headache tremor, and just a sensation that have a huge growing thing in my nut.

Hmm a worry when and what to tell my mum, Brother David if you read this don’t say nowt to her. I shall consult with Mary – let her tell her seems a cowards way out but an excellent plan..

Hospital Opticians and Food

2005-07-31T21:14:00.000+01:00

Start the day as usual catching up with people. Andrew is going home (well to Scotland) I need to get his bag up to him. Shoot to Aintree Retail Park to get a carry thing for Shakespeare the rabbit. He hasn’t showered yet so I kill some time there. Need a pee and food – in the desert it means McD’s. Pee ok meal deal chicken sandwich water and side salad not. Yuk but fills. Walk back to car then on Maplins for a mooch and sports shop. Stay longer than I thought but when we talk it can on for hours. Bully him about walking – felt a bit pooh about it but hey. Then home and off to the optician Allys in town. Check out some new glasses and sunnies. Optician asked me how I got on – he looks bothered when I say I haven’t been to docs. So I pick the letter up. Jean seems more worried than me so I am worried.Home Jean kips we go out.

A pint in Yates it was appalling Boddies draft flow cream crap. The noise is horrific we scoot to spoon.

Nice table upstairs, nice waiter good welcome complimentary bread (three types and tapenade (not for me).

A round of beers coke for Jane –

A nice pinot grigio and a south African shiraz.

Starters Salad of scallops and squid with chilli and lime me, smoked haddock bacon quiche tart thing Mick, chargrilled asparagus and hollandaise Jane, gazpacho Jean.

Mains Jean steak and fat chips, Mick chicken tabbouleh and cous cous, Jane pork chop and goats cheese mash (looked yum) me a simple pan fried dover sole with broccoli and garlic butter and one of Jeans chips. Top stuff.

Them three have rich chocolate tart I was tempted by tiramisu but instead go for cheese (brie, smoked boy, sage derby and cheddar) and damsel biscuits.

Top meal 120 notes really enjoyed would recommend.

We touched on my health but diversion seemed best plan (ostrich strikes again). Its Micks birthday today so we bought him http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0002VF5VG/202-4906159-7735026 and me and him being sad old gits watch as much as we can.

2005-07-30T08:44:00.000+01:00

Which means I need to brave Jeans car, (she has mine in the North). Missing the girls feel like I have been to a conference the last few days but kipped in a different bed in my own house. The rabbit is fair company but his conversation skills are limited. His listening ability is fair and he never complains.

I chug about in the morning - sad Geek boy Andrew is posting and skypeing from sefton suite at 9am. He needs some batteries so I pop into Sainsburys, see the Garlicks from across the road. Nice couple Sheila and Dave. I pick a few provisions and a taste the difference butty.

Up into see the lad, he is with the doctors so I sit reading the free papers. Ah private care. Spot a review for http://icliverpool.icnetwork.co.uk/entertainment/eatingout/tm_objectid=15794999%26method=full%26siteid=5006 Spoon in the http://icliverpool.icnetwork.co.uk/

Daily Post which is the local morning paper. Bills itself as a thinking mans echo, and for some reason I can never fathom it always has a welsh flavour.

Anyway Ally and I had a good report there for lunch a few weeks ago see Blogs passim - so on the back of that and this review we are off there tomorrow.. Celebrate Jean and Mickeys Birthday.

Anyway I digress, Andrew surprises me by walking down to see me. He looks 150% better. He has had little sleep and still in discomfort but better. I nag him to walk more. I realise how harsh i have become, I must sound like a right moaner.

I get home Jeans car is a close to the ground driving experience - she is getting a brand new one soon by the way.

Home struggle more with DLA form what the gits do is design it so its hard to get. The actual act of filling it in destroys you then reading it afterwards and seeing how low you have become keeps you there. GITS. I tell the truth and it hurts.

The into battle with wabbit - he needs a clear out and some exercise. the little sod scratches me to hell. Job done though.

Read paper in yard watching him frolic. Get irritated by a piece in Nursing Standard might even write to them. Listen to a good play on the wireless. Girls arrive home - I am pleased to see them. They look like they had a good time.

Tea is chicken salad, and then I am off to see Andrew. He is still suffering but this laparoscopic approach (keyhole) confuses the body I think. It doesnt look like much but my word they mess your guts around the same. We enjoy geek speak and some frank baring of the soul.

Hospital visiting is hard I am never sure if I overstay my welcome I adopt the when you had enough tell me I go philosophy.

I think the sefton suite staff must think I am sad but I only visit people like Andrew or Mac who don’t have visitors nearby.

Wednesday continued.

2005-07-28T18:12:00.000+01:00

We agree its crap but amusing maybe. I shall post up a link if I remember.

http://www.seftoncoast.org.uk/index_news.html

Art is hard for me to get unless it’s a picture or nice sculpture. JK is of the same mind. http://www.seftoncoast.org.uk/index_news.html We take in an ice cream. He drops me at home. Then he picks me up.

We off to see Andrew, they wont us in he not long back from theatre. So we are off to the http://www.shipandmitre.co.uk/ the spiritual home of the Liverpool bariatric real ale society. I note they have made improvements which seem better, cept there is a very drunk very disturbed man in the bar. Really feel they should lob the poor sod but difficult call. The back room as a result is busier than the bar. When I was young I used to work through the list trying em all niow when I find one I like I stick on it. Tonights I am feeling was Ambush from http://www.weetwoodales.co.uk/products.htm winner of the Nantwich beer festival 2004.

Some souls may be interested to know that Andrew is having a ds http://www.duodenalswitch.com/procedure/procedure.html or more correcly a bilio pancreatic diversion with duodenal switch.

Wednesday

2005-07-28T13:45:00.000+01:00

Up early and I am off out to franks for a much needed trim. Top man as ever dispenses wit wisdom and crap haircut. Then the girls off to newcastle. Jk picks me up and we head off to crosby marina. We take a pleasnt walk along the park path and beach. New baths looks nice but cafe bar let's down with no grog. I am on my jols as well as the girls a pint with lunch is mandatory. We wander into waterloo and check out a pleasant caff where we eat alfresco. Back along to witnees the anthony gorey another placee in situ. We agree its crap but amusimng mebbe. I shall post up a link iif I rememnber.

More On Tuesdays Health issues

2005-07-27T18:24:00.000+01:00

I feel suicidal - really. I then go through the dilemma of whether to tell Jean.

It isnt the slim chance of being something rally bad, its the hassle of proving it isnt. Its wearing. Things elsewhere are up the pole. I talk to JK andfess up about my fears – truth is talking about suicide helps. He realizes that the next two days will provide me with ample opportunity but I have things to do and don’t want to let Andrew down so I perceive the risk as low. He will engage me in meaningful activity in the day and we can visit Andrew at night.

JK and Jodie arrive, followed by Helen and Andrew, Jean slightly after then we chill in the garden with a beer. Then off to the Madhari for a toothsome curry and 2 pints of cobra tres bien. Andrew seems in fine fettle, better than me the night before my op.

Tuesday

2005-07-27T10:37:00.000+01:00

Everythings chugging along well. Useful morning spend some time witjh fi and nell talking about positives. Interesting that I find it easier to be constructuve and objective about someone elses self perception odd then that my own is so out.
Round to mums and we find ourselves eating in asda, she lilkes it and its almost bearable. Healthy choices are limited and small portions of unhealthy seems the way to go.
Do her shopping and a few bits for me. Then its off to the opticians millicans for my visual field test left eye. Turns out it was better than last time but still a prob lem. So I need to to go back tomorrow to pick up a letter from him for frank. Then I need to see frank then get refferred. To the eye hospital. He says not to worry they will do a load of tests which will include a couple of brainscans. Well anxiety boy goes off the deep end. First thought for me is I aint got the energy and resources for this. I know the chqances of having something bad are small but its the process of the ups and downs of diagnosis that fills me with fear.

Friday in the am

2005-07-22T14:15:00.000+01:00

I wake at 5 breathless and sweating. The breathlessness seems related to posture - how odd. I am hot and cold. The dyspnoea is relieved by getting upright. Cough up clear stuff stained with blood - think as a result of coffing. I have right sided pleuritic pain and still poo. My blister is rubbing and I can't find the plasters. I jump a 173 with ally.
A good talk to andrew takes me mind of things. She alights at allerton road I keep on till greenbank. I sample the delights of their new menu. I opt for a lahmacun pizza (noting carefully its description). A middle eastern pizza with a special thin pizza base served with a choice of fillings ie minced lamb or feta. (Please note that pizza sauce and cheese are not used to make Lahmacun).
It goes down well till the chef tells me it isn't turniing turnout right but it tastes ok. I watch the cricket and feel depressed.

Thursday the morning after

2005-07-22T13:58:00.000+01:00

Surprisingly I don't feel too bad. 1 blister that needed popping on left pinkie. Bloody sore though. I relax in the am and prepare for the support group in the pm. Its a small turnout but a quality session. A preop dser, with her mum and daughter. A vbger seeking revision jodie and jkn martin a post op sleeve and two bubbly preoppers. They shock me with the revelaion they were born in 1985 and one of ems dad is younger than me. Sary stuff. We retire to the bar afterwards and have several belly laffs. Home via a lift with jk.

Wednesday the day of the great walk

2005-07-21T13:31:00.000+01:00

I feel duty bound to do shag all(physically) in the morning, in a relaxation /preparation for this evenings exertions.
I decide to get my self clean and fed. I mooch and then phone Phil, Normas husband. He fesses to blog watching and found the how I got fat post on menshealth useful.
Jean has to mind Ally whos still isnt fit.
I protect my feet in all the places that I suspect may blister - I have a light meal around 4pm. JK and Jody arrive a bit early at 5.15. The weather seems a bid dodgy, but we go for tshirt and shorts. Meant to report at 5.30pm thought it would be a big gig dissapointed to see that it looked a bit sad. We sit in the car for a bit expecting hordes that dont appear.
So off we go to sign in at the great walk tent pick up some free snack bars into the ITV tent for a tshirt and into the lions tent where we look at the Lion, sort of life size cuddly thing.
There is a VIP trailer and a video man and phototographers (note for nell we need some loud tshirts - mebbe the before and after one I had - with the logo).
Nice lady who looks like Jenny our dietitian starts the gig off difficult to get the 75 or so into a frenzy. She introduces the nice lady who is doing the full walk. Then some ex hollyoaks and the games b-list celeb who I didnt know. Then the Local Hero a milkman who has raised thousands for people over the years, seems a nice guy.
We had speculated over the route and how many circuits it would be. 2 most three - we crap when the woman says four.
Then it turns surreal, this nice lady in a headset and tracksuit now has music and is suggesting we join her in an aerobic workout to warm up. JK mutters something ending in dat. The entire field including jody, bar 3, go aerobic crazy. strikes me as line dancin on speed. I am uncertain how to behave, I look at jk, our eyes meet and we agree, Ex big boys dont do this. To ease my mind I post tomy blog via blackberry. Encouraged by our hands in pocket approach a couple of other guys join us. We think after five minutes they'll stop after 10 it becomes embarrassed. the guy from Christians against poverty is loving it - he wants more. He doesnt have to be this nonsense lasts 5 minutes. We hack the camera man off by only moving to fold our arms.
Come on we came to walk not dance. I can't dance no sense of rhythm. I am irritated. This turns to relief when we start. we have to follow a nice girl in a yellow jacket. They have chaned the route from the one on the map I dont like this it bothers me. We set off at a lively pace, to be honest I think its too fast I dont kno how far 10k is. Jk is ex-army hard as nails, Jody is hard and I am a fully paid up wuss. I am saying nothing. I am terrified that I will fail and lose the money that people have sponsored us for. Calderstones Park is a lovely place for a stroll, this is no stroll this is a yomp. I have the backpack on. We put the world to rights, the charity, the website, we discuss pasts and futures. This is mind blowing stuff. Only on Tuesday i reflected with my Doctor that if I hadnt had the op I may well be dead, I couldnt walk to the carpark now here I am doing 10k.
Plenty of water and pace sustained, nutrigrain snacks on journey. Doing four laps of anything is demoralising. Same thing again and again.
We discuss the health benefits of walking. My heart is beating lungs working all muscles working, Good for the mental health - and the calcium absorption. we talk about a walk at the start of support groups or agm. we dont push exercise enough on WLSinfo. I am lazy naturally and it is my natural mode to do nowt.
At halfway this starts to feel doable, start getting rubbing on my small toes left foot. Suspect jk might let us stop if my leg drops off but a blister -no way. Achilles tendon hurting by Lap 3 but coping with overall exertion OK. JK has strapped one knee and the other is giving him a little gip. Lap 4 we up the pace and the final straight feels good. A great feeling when we cross the line and get a goodie bag , We don our medals and are proud.
We have our pictures taken and I feel ten foot tall - standing next to JK in the picture I look 10 foot tall.
Top stuff we hit the Madhari and have two starters each preceded in my case by two pints of Cobra.
three years ago it would have been no walk two starters a main bread rice and 12 pints.
So its off home and the hard work tomorrow of saying thanks for all the dosh we raised -around 12notes for the charity I think - whilst feeling healthy.
So tomorrow its

Tuesday - Attending to Ally

2005-07-21T11:58:00.000+01:00

Nipped out to see Frank who dispenses wisdom as ever. Discuss a useful plan to control my drinking - then we discuss the merits of various bottled beers. All progresses well it seems. I am getting referred for CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) via the Mersey Care trust. It brings to me the realisation that the fear of relapse is actually disabling in itself. I discuss my guilt about claiming the care component of DLA. The form is a sod and the actual process of filling it in is so depressing intself. Frank tells me I should claim but I just cant get my head round the benefits culture. I suspect I may need to try harder. My DLA form is now complete apart from the section "more about the way your illness or disabilities affect you". Toy with the idea of publishing it here but it may be too sef revealing.

Strikes me the DLA form is more a test of prosaic ability than a reflection of your needs. Certainly the websites designed to help you fill suggest key phrases and "buttons" to press.

Off to cell group in the evening during the reflection time the though that if I hadnt had surgery in September 2002 I probably would have been dead now is a revelation.

10k

2005-07-20T18:38:00.000+01:00

Live from the walk just delighted to hear that its 4 laps round the blog. Shit they have me and jk aerobics

Stand down Clare you are relieved.

2005-07-15T13:09:00.000+01:00

Skype natter with Jim (Spurs following editor). The mens health gig will be changed now. Less frequent entries, more emphasis on the health related aspects of my life. The full product will still be available on kenclare.blogspot.com Jim is hopiong to recruit some new bloggers. I punt kieran (google on loopylibrarian). Him and Jim would probably dig some of the same crap music. I also suggest Tom Reynolds of random acts of reality fame. So goodbye to regular posting of dirge on mens health and welcome punchy (surely paunchy) copy.
I would be interested to know if anyone has picked this up through the mens health forum stuff.
Regards
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Thursday chinese lunch

2005-07-15T12:38:00.000+01:00

Mooch round in the am, off for lunch with Kim. Pick her up at 11.45 we are both keen to avoid the collective outpouring of grief in Hammy House. Eyeballed by Veronica Bellis who emails me later that day.
We hit the tai pan where low fat is hard to do so we don't even try. Thouroughly enjoy it. Then off to mothers and home fail to to connect with carol. Girls home tea alfresco again. . Speak to mickey in the evening and put a slot in the diary for a meal, not sure of the venue yet?
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Wednesday

2005-07-15T12:06:00.000+01:00

Much farting with the settings on my t-mobile 7290. First priority is to get rss and msn working. Reading blogs when mobile is essential. Flummoxed by the fact that customer service is helpful, how scary is that. Sort out a repeat script throiugh the good offices of Ida, drop it into craigs whilst parked in Tesco. Pop into fruit shop on Allerton road a purchase some fruit. Exchange greetings with the big ish lady. Back to the car and I have avoided the tesco trap. Feeling guilty I haven't helped his huge profit margin today I fill up on diesel on the way out. Read Ally's ICT coursework and am dead impressed. Eat in the garden. Online team meet at 8 which I remember and am 2 minutes late for. The chat software does its job though chat with 14 users is challlenging.
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Ken Clare in a sponsored event.

2005-07-13T15:04:00.000+01:00

Obviously peoples junk filters worked really effectively so I have renamed it and resent it as well as targeting a whole new bunch of people.

JK Roberts and Ken Clare who have both had Weight Loss Surgery are taking part in the Kelloggs Great Walk 10k event with their wives Jodie and Jean on 20/07/05 to raise funds for WLSinfo (registered charity 1103151). Online here

Please support us by making a donation (By clicking on the button at the bottom of this email.. Please indicate if you are a tax payer - we can reclaim the tax you paid through gift aid. Please note the currency of the donation is US Dollars which seems a quirk of Paypal.

Please help us by forwarding to anyone who you think may be willing to support us.

Many thanks in advance.

If you prefer you can send a cheque made payable to WLSinfo to

WLSINFO.ORG.UK
PO BOX 1093
LIVERPOOL
L69 8WD

Please drop as an email to so we can monitor our progress.

Many Thanks in advance for your generosity.

Ken and Jean & JK & Jodie

This email was generated using the Payment Request Wizard (for Microsoft Outlook). Visit www.paypal.com/outlook to download a free copy from PayPal.

Tuesday reflective.

2005-07-13T10:39:00.000+01:00

The sun makes me lazy, the gym offers no allure today. Its hot on a cold day in there. I concentrate on topping up my tan fiddling with gadgets and catch up with a few people on the phone. The girls come I once again have prepared delicious wholesome food. After tea the bite on my foot swells to epic proportions, jean ministers ice and is despatched for healing ungments. All is well.
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Live from the garden

2005-07-12T17:45:00.000+01:00

The blackberry has landed after much analysis paralysis I made a purchase 7290 if you are interested. Has bluetooth etc. The mollycoddled world of. nhs corporate it has softened me.
Ally and I went to see paddys wigwam last night I was impressed. Her school report impressed me too. She makes me prouder than she'll ever know. I nip in the everyman for a quick one (needed change for the carpark). Then home and a delicioius chicken salad alfresco. Colin calls he has acquired two tickets for the roxy gig which after 10 seconds of dithering she jumps at. It was the best ever she says.
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Sunday comes round again

2005-07-11T20:13:00.000+01:00

Get a fair bit done behind the scenes on the forums. Quite enjoy the
immersion in grunt work. We have opted for a low input chicken and pork
salad ffor lunch. Too hot for roast dinner by half.
Mindful I didnt blog the fact I spoke to mac and jude last night. He is
doing bit too much not eating enough and is knakkered. Its hard at the
start to get the balance right.
Get a really touching private message form one of our irish members,
thanking us for all we do. Prep for dinner well underway and its great
to see some new team members coming onstream. Heaven knows we need the
help. Ruth and ppaul bring shakespeares rabbit run which goes down well.
Lunch goes down well too. Sit in garden for the afternoon v.nice. Colin
and hannah visit late afternoon , we enjoy the sun then the simpsons.
Lets not mention after tea.
Monday am and touched to have an email from a blog watcher. Its
pleasing to know someone still reads this and even more touching that
they care. Just for the record I am not considering ect and no mate I
dont think you are interfering.
I was up ealy, Ally has a day off apart from an interview. So I post
this from borders. Ordered new blackberry this am from t-mobile. I need
mobile e-mail a service for which they charge 10squid. Buying a mobile
truly is a black art, for sure. (the words of andrew) but I am sure he
is right. lunch in borders I end up with a gluten free chicken and
bacon- ally with my low fat paninni. Wander round the newmersey retail
park aching for green space . Speke road doesnt do it. My daughter
prefers to be indoors on day like today. France should be treat.

Feelin kinda better

2005-07-10T09:51:00.000+01:00

Saturday had a good talk with Ally - busy getting ready for visitors I mess about getting stuff sorted for the tip run. Nip to see me ma and then to Tesco Ally comes home earlier than expected from party. Mess with Application sharing again with Andrew - content management and a ticking clock all moving us forward.
Andrew gives me a useful talking to on medicine compliance which leads to a download of this nifty tool for the pocket PC only gives you an hour to pop your stash other wise it marks it as missed and demands an explanation. I was ok with the twice a day dose but 4 times as a day has me reeling. I do all the head pills am or pm when Miss Ratched (Jean) is here to supervise. I started this Bipolar journey well against meds now I cling to them . Its another gitty factor of this disease that at your illest you feel most well and feel least like complying. Had a discussion with a couple of people about ECT I was well against it but I really believe if Frank and Prof and Jean said it was the best thing I would have it. I figure if I could fight the decision I probably wouldnt need it. A reflection of my career involvement with ECT passes through my mind. The irony of a mental health service manager becoming a service user never fails to make me smile. I guess thats why I was always keen to ensure the patients got the best (sometimes to the indignation of the staff) I was proud to be seen as too much for the patients.

Feeling kinda low

2005-07-10T09:39:00.000+01:00

Not a good day, I start with very negative thoughts and work my way down. My sort of obesity is born from a deep self loathing. Add the Bi-polar into the mix and you come up with a potentially explosive product. I try to keep myself busy but my wanders and its usually downwards. I decide to take a walk - I have a couple of purchases required so i hoof it via the scenic route to Allerton Road. I talk to homeless guy 1 by the abbey - I score him a full fat coke in a 2 for 1 deal. Then along past the shops its a fine hot day which helps lift my mood. In to Tesco where I pack my bag with more than is sensible. I yomp back home then collapse in the garden. The rabbitt seems unimpressed with the temperature. Speak to Andrew on the phone and we discuss mobile phones - I need one with data gprs bluetooth and qwerty keyboard. the Blackberry 7290 seems to be the kit I need. I am horrified by the GPRS costs I have incurred over the last few days but given my work style this is going to be essential. It dawns that I have never considered the cost of mobile comms since they were concieved. i am ashamed to say the NHS pay and I never realised the cost. The last abortive project I failed to complete was a look at phone costs. I know them now. Though Andrew describes mobile phone purchase a s a black art - I concur. The evening sees are weekly pilgrimage to ma in laws.

Thursday 07/07

2005-07-08T22:15:00.000+01:00

On Skype to Andrew as breaking news about the london bombs comes in. Horrific stuff - interesting to see how it hits the various e-communities I belong to. One member of gp uk is in BMA house as it happens. Pete I guy I know is 500 yeards away from an event. I worry about peope I do and dont know. Words fail me The death toll increases inevitably. Tom Reynolds who works for the LAS is off but goes in to cover. Talk to another member from the site who has been called in to duty sound woman works at GCHQ. In the afternoon jk and I are off to meet fi and give her her pc. We laff most of the way there apart from the news and the archers. stop at westmorleland services Teebay just about the best services in england. Meet Fi at South something or other. Great time was had time passes so quick she done amazing. Well tanned as well. Back home and its cool.

Wednesday - back to the gym

2005-07-07T11:10:00.000+01:00

I go to the gym and enjoy the feeling - all the cardio machines are busy so i scoot off to the park for my warm up toe gives pain should have it strapped. Into gym in the build up to the games announcement provokes xenophobia in extremis. I feel a bit off thinking i like all of em, foreigners that is. At the annoucement there is cheering and delight. I would like to go to see them. Lunch and chat to two carers about health exercise dieting and weight. Slate the chef who says he is changing the menu and makes me a healthy salad it was nice.Meet Jane from hope who I havent seen for ages.The Ally to the orthodontist I look out the window. Then off to Asda drink and a poor cake. Home after shopping and make roasted veg and lamb shanks for tea. Off to see Me mam she is looking good. the parking by her is pants - big doo on at the church. It gets windy outside and the temperature drops. Poor Shakespeare is in for a cold night.

Tuesday - opticians

2005-07-07T10:41:00.000+01:00

Off to Millicans more visual field testing being deaf and myopic isnt a good combination. Its hard to lipread when you have you head in a huge ping pong ball and you are in the dark with a young lady. My results are ok in right eye and inconclusive in the left. Can they analyse deafness and stupidity. Off to cell group in the evening but had to leave early due to embarassing botty gas. Jean was glad to to see me not.

live via pda bluetooth and phone

2005-07-05T15:06:00.000+01:00

from the opticians, sad geeky but true.

Monday - a day I wasnt looking forward too.

2005-07-05T10:22:00.000+01:00

Its the PCT's lunch for 25 years service in the NHS. I felt odd about going whilst on the sick. Reassured. Met a few familiar faces in the bar and very pleasant. Seated on Table 4 Jean is next to Beatrice our chair, I am next to Jean and adjacent to Peter West. Corporate services Director, pharmacist historically and bloody nice bloke. I guess he has been briefed about my status and is pleasant and supportive. We discuss the library I big up Kieran but there is no need - Kierans stock seems high. Impresssed me that Peters line on moving the library was let the experts take control. (Seems a good plan for a manager).
Its a reasonable meal crab cakes sea bass and cheesecake. Dry as per PCT policy, we hit the rat and parrot (pants) then M&S then Lloyds bar - Abbot Ale marginal improvement. Home and chill Talk to Andrew JK Fi. Much bunny fun with Shakespeare.
So all in all I was glad I only felt awkward twice when despite my healthy appearance I tell people I am planning to retire on ill health. The homophobic man on our table made only one reference to nutters so didnt disclose the reason for my retirement to him.

Saturday night & Sunday

2005-07-03T16:26:00.000+01:00

So we trot up from Allerton Road. Speak to Jude and realise that I had got wires crossed Mac still in and going home tomorrow. So I pop in to see him, he is looking really good. Still these lap (keyhole) surgery boys have it easy I had a bloody big gash. I enjoy ribbing him about it. The staff at the sefton suite are as ever top notch. Home and eat. Chill bed.

Up about 9 and mess on the computer its quiet I chat to Shakespeare. Order a new flat screen for Ally from Amazon a snip at 117. Then its a quick lunch of egg and beans and off to Seton Suite. I run Judith and Mac to the airport - where I am posting this from. I hang around with the famous big boy wheelchair far more comfy than the standard issue. The easy jet flight is late but they are flying flybe to the city. Unbelievably the lady asks for the person meeting passenger richard wankey from Berlin to report to the info desk. Either a wind up or an unfortunate name.

1 pound buys you 10 minutes of access I enjoy 2 squids worth. Must take a walk tonight.

Saturday - optical matters.

2005-07-03T13:16:00.000+01:00

Saturday morning as usual sees me playing on the PC while the girls kip. Mission of the day is avoiding Geldoff and associated stuff. Right miserable old git I am. Even Kieran has been sucked in. I dunno its the whole great sense of false global togetherness combined with Geldoff and McCartney that turn me off. Ally scoots to town, part of me was worried that she would scoot to Edinburgh. Anyway Jean and I off down down to millicans. Turns out I have a cataract starting in right eye and cupping of the optic disks but normal pressures. Need to have a further test done on Tuesday. Late lunch is a bowl of noodle soup. Message on voicemail suggests Mac has gone home. More to follow.

Friday - finish the conference.

2005-07-03T10:48:00.000+01:00

Back to the LMI for the third part. Start the morning with an interesting session on pharmaceuticals, current and future. John Wilding is a clever bloke and a bloody nice bloke to boot.The ASO gang have done an excelent job and I make some useful contacts amongst a variety of people. I plan to get the programme and write up a review. Concerned that I wont fit in the time. From a mental health point of view I feel that concentration and mood are better than ever. (But not too good). The downside of bipolar is that whenever I feel OK I feel I am slipping into a high. I finish reading An unquiet mind by the Bipolar psychiatrist Kay Radfield Jamison it has taken best part of a year, but was worth it. I realise part of my reluctance to comply with medication and my unwillingness to accept diagnosis. I dissapear a moment to order her other book Touched with fire, which explores the link between creativity and Bipolar. Also order a 17" LCD for ally as well. Met some real good people on the course. After the lecture its a case study. Concerned at the professionals lack of understanding of the impact of obesity and these are interested people. I shall write to John Wilding and offer my services for future gigs. Bit of quiche and salad for lunch then home. In the evening JK and I off to see Mac in the Sefton Suite that guy has had me worried but hes on the up now for sure. JK and I make a good double act the git is too skinny and ugly to appear with me though. He doesnt ever wander here so I am safe. Home briefly Jeans hit the town at Blundell Street, I drop Ally at the Unity Theatre to see her mates in a play. Contemplate a swift half at Ye Crack or the Pilgrim but decide agin it. Head for tesco metro and purchase a chicken salad subway. I chill with a beer and njoy chatting to Andrew missed our regular catch ups this week. Enjoy fartin with pocket pc.

Prof continued

2005-07-01T13:47:00.000+01:00

Prof is good, his expertise reminds me how fortunate I am. We discuss at length all sorts of stuff. Metabolic syndrome and BAD(or is it BPD)? Bloods need monitoring he adds cholesterol into the mix. He says Frank and DDK have it covered. He is pleased with the progress on the work front. Then home get changed. Picked up by Ruth and Paul then its down to the Other Place Liverpool. I have spicy salmon rissoles and sea bass. Top stuff. Then down to the central dock to jools holland in the summerpops. Great gig.

A psychiatrist a meal and the boogie woogie blues

2005-07-01T08:10:00.000+01:00

Prof running late, In merseycare I have the status of hidden patient. Set up by the marvellous Ann Deane when we implemented the mental health system many years ago. I dont know the details, I have a special number and dont appear in a general search on the main MPI master patient Index. Surprising amounts of health professionals are being treated. I once again sit in the waiting room see 6 people i used to manage, only one of who acknowledges recognising me.(Good). Big wait to see prof but I dont mind, top bloke as ever. He really is an Holistic guy. I need to make an appointment at CAB to get advice re benefits. I have had the DLA form for 5 months and been too depressed to fill it in.
As an aside this pops into my inbox and I feel I must post it for Kieran.

Thursday conference

2005-06-30T17:55:00.000+01:00

Start the day well by getting sorted and out rappido. Bag a parking space at LMI so feel well pleased. Then into session with ddk pick up a couple of snippets. Then a dietians sesh oo VLCD, low GI, commercial slimming groups,meal replacement and low carb high protein diet. The lecture theatre and professional mix doesnt lend itself to group. So I blog pocket pc. Overrun by 40mins. Break cut to 10 mins.
Then into next session 2 physios from uha, who run exercise program for weight management clinics. Upsets me first they do a deep breathing sesh and ask you to visualise the journey here if your bmi was double what it is. I suspect I find this easier than most. It moves me. Then breathing and then 3 mins of exercise . I remember doing these.
Then into julian shields on childhood obesity. Not bad at all.
Then carolyn summerbell prof of nutrition at teeside. Into lunch meet up with some nice people and spread the word. Do a bit of rep freebie work but the samples on the roche stand are poor. Abbott offer better fare. Dympna Pearson stand-in, proffers a hurried but feature rich session on behavioural change. Reluctantly miss Len Almonds session on exercise. Bomb it to Moss House for a 3pm, make it with seconds to spare . Prof is running an hour late. Ring jude and get good news about mac.

wednesday night

2005-06-30T08:01:00.000+01:00

Went to see Mac but didnt get in. Couldnt get through to Jude will investigate tomorow - hope all is well. Worrying disturbed night worrying about getting up for early start and about Mac. Busy day full day at LMI then off to see Prof M at 3. Then its back for a meal at the other place and Jools Holland live at the summer pops which arent in the Kings dock this year.

Wednesday haircut and conference

2005-06-29T23:12:00.000+01:00

Off to see fran in the morning he dispenses the usual blend od bad hair cut, good therapy and strong view. Then its cab into town, planned to bus but its hot and raining. Arrive at the LMI and meet the organiser. Lovely building and up the stairs lunch, minor exhibition. Meet some nice people over lunch - someone who grew up with a guy I trained with. Few people I knew. First sesh is a Jon Pinkney Jon Widing combo good stuff. Then a geneticist and over to Jon Pinkney followed by Andrew Hill. Then into a champagne reception walk down to lime street and get picked up.

Tuesday fun with Pocket PC

2005-06-28T22:24:00.000+01:00

Messed about the whole morning learning loads like RTFM still applies - read the manual. Then its off to pick me ma up and drop script at docs, then off to the pub in the park - for a dross meal. 2 for a tenner and mine was OK but mums was pants. Andrew rings with news from his consult with Mr K its gone well and hes got a green light. Then off to morrissons seems like an obesogenic environment to me. 4 steak and kidney pies for 1.25, sausage rols 17% pork for 25p, no mention of calories. Great to see Kieran moaning about the web monitoring stuff at work.
If its useful - block it
If it makes life easier - block it.
If users want it - block it.
When you let techs control the user environment this is what happens. When a workplace has more censorship than china yer in trouble.
Home and chill with some mexican and tortilla. Chill and get some paper work done with Jean.

The rest of Monday

2005-06-28T22:11:00.000+01:00

So we scoot into see mac hes down on the sefton suite off the oxygen and looking loads better. Then its off to the premier inn to pick up andrew. He JK and I hit it off immediatley. I am indebted to him again for inheriting his second user pocket pc. We scoot to Greenbanl lunch and enjoy a great interactive session on WLS. Its like old friends. Then we drop JK off and its back to ours. into the garden and chill. Not long before we are off to Millon for a pricey but delicious indian. I have two starters and thouroughly enjoy it. Then back to ours the grown ups hit it off and Esme and Ally getting along fine - great night.

Monday

2005-06-27T10:15:00.000+01:00

Somehow I forgot to mention that on Saturday night I stubbed my toe on the door and broke it. Its odd it didnt hit blogspace as I couldnt shut up about it most of the day. Going in to see Mac and facing the demon of PTSD must have knocked it down my list. Anyway its back throbbing this am. Start hitting off a few sponsor emails for the Kelloggs. Not sure about training. Hope to see Jack today. So heres the plan. Meeting JK when we scoot into the Sefton suite where hopefully he been transferred from CCU. If not I may just trot up there. Then its off to meet AndrewM - top geek boy. Heres the plan JK him and me idle in the Greenbank discussing matters surgical and then bring him back here. Meet up with the girls and off for a meal tonight.
Nice one seems like a plan. In a moment of madness and laundry insecurity I am wearing my white kaftan. I feel the urge to sing Demis Roussous songs......For ever and ever.....

Sunday - good news.

2005-06-26T21:48:00.000+01:00

We arise from our slumber late. I fiddle on PC Ally cleans Shakespeares des res (v. stinky)and then we go to Ruth and Pauls for lunch. No grandma and Alan, replaced by Colin and Hannah. Conversation cosiderably more ribald as a result. I scoot off to Aintree to see Mac he is off the vent since yesterday and looks considerably brighter than I thought he would. I cope significantly better with the CCU than I thought I would. I believe I was tramatised and had some mild form of PTSD. A cocious visit whilst relatively healthy head wise does me good. Take Jude to the airport and we chat. Mac the Poor sods in for a rough ride me and JK visiting him. Should be a treat. Home Colin and hannah visit to see Shakespeare. JK brings round a couple of shirts that are too big for him - cool. Ring ma she is pleased about Mac

Saturday- lunch out

2005-06-26T21:40:00.000+01:00

Off to Penny Lane with Ally by bus - grumpy old lady at the bustop recognises me from the telly. Bad news is she thinks I went to weigghtwatchers. Turns out she knows my mum and the manager at the bank were I had my first job. I worry that she is a geriatric stalker. We are dissapointed that the ark is no longer open at lunchtimes. Our search for moules frites seems fruitless. We wander along Allerton Road and stumble upon Spoon - so new it doesnt have a website. We opt for moules frites, cooked with garlic parsley and sweet chilli. Top stuff follow it up with shared panacotta.Cool.
Then over to petshop Ally scoots to town and I trot up Green Lane. Hay is large. Play on PC while Jean kips. Tea is a takeaway from the Great wall. Ok ish. Grandma was round some Scots lad gets beat at wimbledon and suddenly tennis is british.

Nice clean boy

2005-06-25T12:49:00.000+01:00

Up in good order this mornin off to LA fitness for my free go. This is my first time in a lycra gym. The place seems dead which is good news - though the car park is chocca. I am 2 minutes late. Sit in a reception that seems flash Get a free bottle of LA water. Purple is the theme - Lynsey arrives and shows me round. A nice pool, steam room and sauna.Then into the gym, quick look at the spin suite where a muscular lady is barking orders over a headset to several less muscular ladies. There is a big studio with mirrored walls with over 45 classes a week. Then upstairs to discuss filthy money. I spy a pc in the caff, ah its that internet access for members, no she snaps. Seems many things are going to improve soon. Its cheaper than I think after she hears I am a student and you get special discount. 32 sovs a month. Dont know what I pay. I need to make a medical declaration oh no - confidentiality up the swannee - hope he doesnt know that one of the drugs I am on is also an anticonvulsant. Off into the gym, its good I do a good treadmill and there are several large screen tellies, sky sport, sky news, ITN 24 and a music channel. I listen to my little mp3 it does me.
I try many of the machines its all technogym stuff but they don use the key driven stuff that Greenbank does - I manage to knock together something that approximates my usual weights, and do my best to avoid this glute machine (medieaval torture), maily coz I couldnt work out how to get in it.
First shower, then sauna, shower 2, steam room, shower 3, jacuzzi, steam room, shower 4, sauna, shower 5, jacuzzi, cold shower 6, then soapy shower in the changing room which has too many tellies and mirrors for me. Manage to natter to three members 2 negative about the club main criticisms? Staff turnover, staff presence and knowledge and cleanliness in the facilities. One guy is positive, but I suspect he is a paid plant. So refreshed I head back to Greenbank, greeted warmly by Jack my guru and training inspiration. Tars gym is his two word verdict on hearing my report. Still he bemoans Greenbanks lack of pool and steam sauna etc. Bowl of celery soup there I am reluctant as celery is an abomination in its raw form, chef insists it doesnt taste like raw celery. I taste it, its good and I enjoy it.
Off home and chill messing with rabbit and sorting washing. Off to Ma in laws. Watch ladder 49 with Jean it makes her cry.

Not the best day

2005-06-24T09:38:00.000+01:00

The good weather continues I take a compressed work out . Then its off to pick up Kim and a business mans in the Taipan. Her tale of Istanul makes me chuckle. Then take mum the tip which she enjoys but she keeps climbing out the skip. Then off to the Speke retail. Into Argos where mum goes half on a new watch. Made up then into M&S pick up some juice and some chicken breasts with the rest of yesterdays salad. Nice. Then off to see Mac. Shocked on arrival at Sefton Suite to find he had been transferred to CCU. So we go to CCU, this starts to scare me for very selfish reasons lasttime I made this journey I only saw the ceilings. Then to the door you bus then someone goes out. Try to explain our relationship to Mac we are no one really. But his best friends in Liverpool.Off to the rellys room. Jean knows where it is - she been there before. Even the pics showing the equip bring on the PTSD. His doc comes over and chats to us he has spoken to Jude and asked what he can tell us. He had a small bleed thats sorted and his chest is more the prob now. On a vent. I feel better but worried. get home and talk to Jude she sounds better, and is coming over tomorrow. mac gonna be in more than a week at least.
Then Murphys law and bed.

enjoy the sun

2005-06-23T21:52:00.000+01:00

too much computing in the morning.
Out in the sun in the PM then a brisk route march to Tesco then back again with provions chicken french bread and salad delish.

Tuesday - Magical Mystery Tour

2005-06-22T14:04:00.000+01:00

After getting up early and farting about I almost manage to be late for Mac at the airport - he has lost weight and is looking good.We bundle his gear into the car then its off Aintree Lodge which is the hotel part of Aintree Hospital apols if the link dont work. It has been like that for at least 6 weeks, which would normally make me laff but is hacking me off today.
Mac is a great bloke scottish roots, Belfast lad lives in Belfast married to Jude, 3 kids two of which are twins. He has a bad chest and is hoping that taking some weight off will improve his chest.
We see Anfield Goodison go to Greenbank pick me mam up and go to Asda and Lidl. We sit in the carpark and natter. We have a laff, drop him at Aintree Lodge then pick up girls and off to support group.Meet the gang for tea, Jenfeet and Phil turn up with william aged 8 weeks.
Simon Banks from Specialist commissioning team to talk about this listening exercise.
I really felt positive that things were gonna get better for Cheshire and Mersey folks. We chill in the bar then home.

Kens Mens Health Week

2005-06-22T09:30:00.000+01:00

Monday starts with the healthy brek.
In the mens health forum delegate bag was a leaflet on The Kellogs Great Walk 10k amble round Calderstones. I cant recall walking 10k in one go. Then a piece of fruit mid morning and a brisk walk to the gym 2.1 miles I hear - then weights and 10 mins on the rower - I started 4 weeks ago on 2 mins so I am pleased with my progress. Then back home at a more leisurely pace via greengrocer (spanish cherries) and fishmonger. I start off fancying crawfish tails but discuss crab options. I have only ever done dressed which is fab. How easy is it to prepare I ask? Easy peasy says the man I'll open it for you and remove the gills the rest you can eat. Ok how much 4 squidish says he. Bit pricey for luch but for 21% protein it sounds like a deal. Male or female says he? Difference female has more brown meat. Lady crab it is I hitch it to my back pack for fear of whiff contamination then its along allerton road Big Ish chat and trot up green lane. Feel goosed when I get in. Sit in garden in glorious sun armed with nutcracker, skewer, teaspoon, shirt off and dive in. Any food that is so hard to eat gotta be a good deal. It was delicious. Alls was missing was Jean french quayside and something white french and chilled.
Relax further in garden celebrating my 5 load washing victory. (Result). Girls arrive home Ally in to Shakespeare who I have interacted with regularly.
Jean chills resting. Eat later mince (less than 5% fat) with tomato italian thing. The girls do pasta- I go for tortilla.
Then off for brisk two mile walk with Jean Was good but we pass too many eateries and bars on allerton road. Up green lane with deja vu.
Home and feet are killing. Only need one sleeping pill for a change.

Eclectic Music

2005-06-19T15:26:00.000+01:00

Listening to: Canon in D major - Pachelbel - - (04:52)
Listening to: Bachman Turner Overdrive - You ain't seen nothing yet -
- (03:40)
Listening to: Banjo Guys - Dueling Banjos - - (03:23)
Listening to: Bing Crosby - Swing on a star. - - (02:17)
Listening to: David Bowie - Sound And Vision - - (03:05)
Listening to: Hampton the Hampster - The Official Hamster Dance Song -
- (03:34)
Listening to: john otway - Cor Baby That's Really Free - - (02:41)
Listening to: Lynyrd Skynyrd - Sweet Home Alabama (Acoustic) - - (04:03)
Listening to: Saxon_-_Denim_And_Leather - - (05:28)
Listening to: Yes - Homeworld - - (09:31)
Bad isn't it !!
Ten random plays on the Media Jukebox in WMP chez clare

Sunday We are a Grandfather

2005-06-19T14:31:00.000+01:00

It dawns on me that Ally is a parent therefore I am Shakeys Grandad. I feel the need for a tweed jacket and a pocket full of werthers. I never had a grandad - always something I considered a shame. Today is fathers day - the girls have bought me a DVD Ladder49
I am a sucker for anything to do fire engines. A box of chocs (small) and made for sharing. I idly fart on the PC in the morning. We breakfast outside together and I relate tales of our early parenting to Ally. She is thinking she aint doing well with the rabbit - I told her first night we got her home from hospital we both sat and cried on the couch coz we didnt know what we going to do. Ally is the brightest most shining thing in my life. I am so proud of her she is sharp and her incisive mind and wit will take her far. She wont be reading this she blogs and I am not allowed to visit hers and she cant be bothered to read mine. She prefers My Boyfriend is a ... and petit anglais. After breakfast I reflect on my dad and how I miss him and the way in which he he died prevented him from communicating at the end. I get quite tearful about that, after which I feel strangely settled. Jeans off to the crem to remember her Dad and Ally is with her. I suggest to Ally we scoot to the other crem to see where my dads ashes are.
Lunch is fishfingers on a butty. I cant finish all the bread. Been a chore migrating to new computer but the email bit is done. Makes a change to not be using a PC that hangs at least thrice a day.
Have a good discussion re work required on the site.

Saturday Evening - Welcome Shakespeare

2005-06-19T14:07:00.000+01:00

Pleasant in the garden in the afternoon, Ally reads Jean kips I chat
on the phone to Andrew. I feel somewhat guilty at how little I have
contributed to the greater good this week. But I must confess the self
indulgence and "me time" has been pleasurable. Andrew is as easy to
divert from the point in hand as I am. So a conversation often takes
pleasurable twists and unexpected leads - best to be away from the PC
when we are a wandering. Tea - is a Tesco cottage pie and veg -
inappropriate for the weather but goes down surprisingly well. After
tea enjoy the doc about the Doc, then watch the final ep. A bit
cheesey in parts but a good one. The new Doctor is unveiled its the
chap from Blackpool and Casanova - whom I always call Robert Carlyle
despite knowing thats not his name. Chilling in the evening watching
the rabbit.

Sorry officer

2005-06-18T17:18:00.000+01:00

So there we are at childwall fiveways to anyone who doesnt know the
area its the meanest roundabout outside of paris. The worse thing you
can do is stop and give way, most people dive on continental style and
expect you to give way. I hesitated and it seems like never gonna get
out. Get a beep of someone (rightly so) and a stare down from a
motorbike cop.
He follows me and flashes I pull over - he gives me a well deserved
rollicking. I am scared of coppers - I got hit by a copper across the
back of the legs with a nightsick when I was five (deserved it) and
also interacted with them again during the NGA dispute at Eddie Shahs
gaff in Warrington - early 80's.
Anyway in for petrol off to old swan tesco and the weeks shopping.
made a menu plan for this week.
Bit knocked off that the papers have arrived this mornin around my ill
health retirement application. Seems kind of real and I am reeling a
bit. Tescos does nothing to focus the mind. Then off to the Lister
drive pets and fisheries centre (converted victorian swimming baths)
where we acquire shakespeare a 7 week old male lop bunny. Nice fella -
Ally is well chuffed. The sun is shining Ally introduces him to his
new house
He only cost sixteen notes fair enuff.

Friday afternoon

2005-06-17T23:07:00.000+01:00

Rabbit hutches cost – my daughter aged 15 wants the top of the range
palatial gaff but we settle for a comfortable two storey des res (with
free starter pack). We aim to pick up bunnykins tomorrow. We dine
unhealthily at pizzahut. The bloody hutch takes up all the load space
in the zafira so it means jean jumps a cab to her mums. Ally and I
mooch in Maplins then I whip her home and off to pick Jean up. Traffic
is pants on Queens drive. Home and I sit here at 10pm in the
backgarden watching the womenfolk prepare the hutch for tomorrows new
arrival. They are painting it with B&Q's finest safe to animals when
dry treatment (red cedar if you like detail). I like a true pioneer
observe the ritual solemly clutching a tin of the amber nectar
(fosters gnats pee). Next week hard work on the lifestyle kicks in
again. This week (with London and all) I have been on holiday.
Next week brings gym back into the life.
Glad to see some of the other bloggers been at the posting lark. To be
fair to the mens health blokes probably been a hectic week for them.
Hope somebody has read this, and it has provided some insights. What
to I am not sure.
Angelo the Greek waiter at the gym restaurant hated England and the
English. We had a frank exchange of views – a lad who could be
anywhere between 20 and 35 he has an incisive mind and disinhibited
about making his view point felt. He is a racist and xenophobe, a sort
of exotic alf garnett. None the less we have a fascinating
conversation.
He describes English under 25s as "filth", the tabloid press as
garbage (cant argue with that). The royal famly as a waste of space.
Home watching jonny woss

Thursday Night Friday morning.

2005-06-17T17:11:00.000+01:00

After a skype session with andrew and much trying to sort my email woes i headed down stairs to watch Tivo - if you dont know what tivo is you are missing out. Watched Murphys Law in which Nesbitt goes even deeper each this week. This week the poor sod is really in the brown stuff, he has taken to wearing a Yes T-shirt. My wife is shocked to learn that the beeb have allowed the producers to stoop so low.
Catch a bit of the office - red nose day ep. Ricky does crack me up and like Homer simpson sad to see so much of me in him.
Friday i lie in to the ungodly hour of 9.45, and breakfast and slob out. I have a self destructive element that I dont understand. I spoke to Frank the GP last night about cutting down booze
so after two nights of abstinence I have a bevvy. During Mens Health week I aint been the gym. I have a cunning self deception plan as well. My mission this week is to show that blokes can be active without going the gym. (my excuse). I haven't worn a pedometer coz I think the technology is pants. I end up fiddling with it and tripping up - bit like fellow blogger Jim.
I want one that can gps me and store then work out how far I done. For now I do 45 mins brisk walking till sweaty and almost breathless.I done it 4 times already this weekand its only Friday. So that is pretty good.
Old mate Sir Liam Donaldson CMO
would be pleased. Though I think he says 5 *30 and this Ken Fox bloke said 5*45 if you lost weight and wan to maintain loss. Deep joy.
Got to go out now and buy a rabbit hutch - long story will explain later.

Lets get physical.

2005-06-16T18:30:00.000+01:00

There was no bog - dissapointing. So its back to the park and hoof it
round - the boots feel good. I take the perimeter bath and the trees
are good, and shield me from most of the rain the lack of MP3 is a
bummer but hey. I take 40 odd mins to briskly walk almost breatless to
work and am sweating. It feels good but the rain doesnt. Ring mum on
wya round and tell her my ETA. Get back to car and notice blood
transfusion service have a session at All Hallows. Shame its not open
I would have give them a unit.
Pick mum up refuse food, go to GP pick up her script, drop it into
Craigs and then its off to Tesco Old Swan. Healthy food isn't bubbling
over in the restaurant, it looks like chips s the order of the day.
Mum has sausage and chips and a row about the lack of onions in the
gravy. She wanted onion free gravy - there was a choice but she wanted
a row. I settled for a pannini and banana. Mum kept trying to give me
her chips I have two to shut her up. Then its round the shop, checking
out labels as I go. Surprised that the finest chips 1.99 are only 5%
fat - and they are lovely. I guess in chips big spud piece = less fat.
Skin on as well. tasty.
I pick up some cabbage and some low fat 3% cauli cheese to accompany.
Then a walk through Old Swan to pay an expense check in. Mum mooches
in the charity shops and then we enter another world - mum is addicted
big time to lo-cost slot machines. It was scary. Polish trainee
manageress plying us with tea biscuits and crisps. mum is big time she
won a pound on the scratchcard and spent three squid of her own money.
That was a big session for kathleen she usually prefers 2p machines.
Take the old girl home her plates are killing her.

Thursday AM outline for the day.

2005-06-16T12:12:00.000+01:00

Up eat ablute sort mail, see frank the doc, cross at missed blogging
opportunity in waiting room. The dilemma how to replace blackberry
function still looms. Then I plan a walk in the park calling at Craig
the independent pharacist on Allerton Road. Get scripts filled then
off to Ma's. Poop I realise I have forgottent the cheque to pay into
bank.
Plan lunch out - worry about cals with ma aim for a butty me thinks.
Turkey breast for tea so need spuds and veg. Where to take me ma is a
prob she favours the ASDA me tesco and we have common ground in LIDL.
Any shop where you can pick up USB accessories, gardening gear, exotic
veg and walking boots cant be all bad.In the docs waiting room I gegg
in on a conversation. A womens son has been shot and slashed. the area
has gone to the dog she says. This is where I was brought up, it was
posh..ish now it scares me.
A poster in the docs window proudly announces that the whole area is
now some sort of ASBO area of outstanding natural beauty and the
police have special powers.Me mam never goes out after dark or opens
the door.I recogmise two people from primary school in the waiting
room they appear dressed younger than me but look iller and drawn.
Turns out the mp3 player is stuffed that makes me cross - I hear about
a lad getting a seven stretch but only serving two
So appt at 10 its 10.45 and i am scrawling this in a note book in the
hope of transposing it later.
I am alarmed that beating shootings and slashings seem de rigeur round
here - in my day it was throwing stones setting fire to crisp bags
full of dog muck and chicken on the railway. And I was a bad one.
Right into see frank top doc we go through things I have a list. No
wonder you are late is so thorough and so caring. We go through
several things I review tablets mood and health I am better than I
have been for months. I am struggling to get calcium D3 and zinc in
but we discuss that.
I told him I still have worries if i am really ill. He assures me that
both he and prof have objective views that I am. Its odd because today
I feel good. (But not good). I was worried that London would start me
off on a high but it doesnt seem to have. I shoot in the car to
caldersones and park it about half a mile from the pharmacy, plan is
to walk to the pharmacy and back again, then maybe into the park. Will
have to get out with Jean again tonight too. Gym tomorrow I guess. To
save time and assess public amenities I post this from a PC in
Allerton library - no coffee though otherwise top. If there is a bog
it will be ideal.

Tuesday one lazy day. Wednesday – Active but eating.

2005-06-15T22:31:00.000+01:00

I am knackered I pull myself out of bed about 9.15. A bit dazed and
confused examine the inbox on my pc and drink tea. Jean had woken me
to medicate me before leaving for work. I forget my pills habitually,
that's a feature I shall be working on over the next few days. So
that's the regime –
Sodium valproate
Fluoxetine
Forceval
Zoton.

Only two of them cause me to gain weight. Deep joy. So mens health
week whats the plan. I enjoyed several excesses at the weekend cmon
lads it was my holiday. No ale till the weekend and exercise,
exercise, exercise. But today I chill catch up with a few essential
communications, mum, sister, Andrew, emails, and chill. So lunch trot
up for a chicken salad on brown from simply coffee no fresh food in
the house.
Off to the Asda to get prints printed from London. Go the one at the
sefton park site on the former sefton general opposite the Aldi which
was a school where Ian Banks once taught. All supermarkets in
Liverpool used to be something. Asda hunts cross was standard triumph,
Tesco allerton was quarrybank where john lennon went and tesco woolton
was the Bear Brand (nylons factory).
I suppose everywhere was something else once.
So after I have gone back to the house for my wallet I put the CD in
for 115 prints and do a bit of a shop. I spend too much time on
labels. But I aim to look for <5% fat as the general. That's the plan,
it's the fat that tastes good though – although a dietitian once told
me it was more about "mouth feel" that made sense.
I get 4 meals for the week ahead and then off to my mums. My mum is 75
tactless loud blunt and rude. She has liver failure, heart failure,
type II diabetes, a pacemaker aand idiopathic thrombocytopenic
purpura. But apart from that shes sound. She delivers food with
alarming frequency and amount. We love her. She is made up with the
teatowel chocolates and dog sweets. They are for Sue the shitzu who
has been her constant companion since my dad died.
Then home serve up a chicken salad for Jean after shes had a kip. Goes
down well. Then we are off to mother in laws to dispense tales of
London and gifts. Home trash telly and early night.

So up early self medicate need to get Ally to appointment. Traffic
terrible. Planned internet café doesn't work – its turned into a curry
house. So nip to Costa coffee for tall black Americano, buy new pair
of walking boots. First pair I have ever owned. I am chuffed, they
wont be taking me to Ben Nevis but I am pleased. Then off to the Ladt
Lever Art Gallery which is located in the model village of port
sunlight. Third art gallery in my life – second in a week. Then off
for a nostalgic visit to New Brighton. A sort of Blackpool with the
last bit of life squeezed out. We trot along the prom the sun comes
out and then its in to the seaside café for fish and chip special.
Don't eat it all but the fish was cracking. We decide to walk out to
the river and a beach is now there, I don't remember that. The Mersey
looks better and the waterfront is much improved we walk a long way
and watch the beach patrol practising setting off maroons (which are
orange not purple). Then home via tunnel and mess on net with Andrew –
sort a problem which was evading us and it was an easy answer. Tea is
a three handed thing Ally has Cajun chicken, Jean lemon chicken and my
gammon and mustard. After tea we trot for a brisk walk around Sefton
Park and decide we will do the 10k walk in July.

Tidying up late as ever.

2005-06-15T19:35:00.000+01:00

So its Wednesday afternoon, I slept soundly last night after a fairly lazy day. So its time to recount the events of Monday and Tuesday. Dont want the blog going moribund Jim "The editor" P will be on me back if I dont keep it up.
So last time we spoke It was Monday 2.36 real time and I had reported up to Prof Alan White.
I decided sort of into the first session that we should get closer to the Mens Health Forum. Atop bunch of lads and a set of the right sort of values. Also playing with yourself (ie testicular self examination is actively encouraged).
Surprised at how many of the people in the audience are women. After first session its off to manning the stall with Steve. Its always tough when you meet a WLSer at a gig like this and have to hit the floor running. But I like to think our fat boys club is exclusive. There are things only big big blokes know about being SSO. Super Super Obese. I hit it off with Steve straight away, feel like I already know him.The display manning is an odd experience. I am naturally a shy person - honest so standing there encouraging strangers to engage in what can be probing questions. The majority are listening keen and attentive. Some feel the right to ask very direct question only one delegate was off. (about par for course).
Meet some great people, some challenging thoughts some useful feedback and some people who are considering surgery as a personal option.
Jim Pollard is a cool dude and though he lives on the fifth floor of a gaff in Paris he will need a visit. Matt and the photographer were top lads. Some big names there but the secretary of state was on an awayday (Hmm). I stay out of the morning workshops though I think the gary egger one might have been my choice. A google on his name brings some interesting stuff but not one I wanted to definitively post - so do it yourself. He spoke a great deal of sense.
Lunch was cool and quick bite before hitting delegates head on. Steve takes to it like a duck to water - I am digging his vibe.Touched by one woman saying she remembers being moved by something I said at a previous NOF conference. I am in to the ripple effect - if it made one person think - then it was worth it. Our prime position ensured us a steady stream of visitors sometimes being last helps.
Jibbed the afternoon workshops too - To be onest too many to choose from. I thought about going in Mark Davidsons from Belfast (clinical psychologist) but resisted as I always get terribly upset thinking about the psychological pain of obesity, and its causes. I spoke to Mark and fessed up to him about Bipolar Diagnosis too he was cool and we discuss his future role in WLSinfo. We also discussed the feeling that patients want to compare notes about his assessment. My line is tell the truth you cant rehearse, and you probably cant shock him.
We talk about the different dynamics of working with obese men and I acquire another insight. Blokes are different, that much is clear. As the last session approaches my anxiety becomes apparent in my digestive tract. I have been breaking wind all day - loud but not smelly and have positioned myself outside on most occasions. Then start worrying about farting whilst on the platform which increases my gut motility which makes me want to.... fart.
In to the auditorium, sit next to Ian Campbell President of National Obesity Forum - top chap and media star.Listen to Consensus statement from mens health forum three quarters is too many - decide we will sign up.Then its Gina nice public health doc, giving the public health view. Then were on up to the stage and every things twitching.
I had been told I would have two minutes to introduce me and talk about my views/aspirations on obesity in mens health. I had worried for a fortnight and jotted some notes in the preceding talk. I had numerous brief witty salient points to make but no chance this is Ken Clare says Tv Doc Mark Porter .
I was dissapointed with my lack of contribution to the panel. It was a difficult format for me. Hard to get a word in. I am as ever my harshest critic and a couple of people said I came across sound. Then its goodbyes and off to the concierge at the top Swissiotel. Cab to Euston meet Nell and jean pint in Britannia on to 6.18 to Euston. nice journey punctuated with butties from M&S and tinnies from buffet.
We jump a can home and are replete.
Top time.

It has been a good day.

2005-06-14T21:39:00.000+01:00

Long but good as I right this we are pulling into Stafford station I am in word with no connection it would now appear my blackberry was lost/lifted yesterday. Will report it via the good offices of John Mc tomorrow. Trying to think back over the day its hard to think where to start. The place was interesting bit of a rabbit warren and maybe some exhibitors didn’t get the position they might have liked. Richard someone was the founder nice guy – he kicked off the day. Then into David Haslam chair of the NOF and a good egg for sure his talk was good especially liked his reference to the masturbation diet.

Then on to prof alan white a nice chappie will save this now and post from home, tomorrow.

Conference - good day

2005-06-13T14:36:00.000+01:00

Off down to the conference centre, miss it the first time then happen into. Top venue IEE HQ. Beuatiful auditorium. Bit of a cock up with exhibition but we get there in the end. Steve arrives and its good timing , I'm off into the first session and he sets up the stand and I buzz off into first session. Its a happening event and I am well into it.

Tower and chill

2005-06-13T07:44:00.000+01:00

After lunch we fall in to a museum of fusiliers, and over to the chapel of st peter in chains. Which is interesting for the number of people (famous) buried there. The Beefeater is a nice interestng guy and gets heavily tipped on the way out - fair enuff thinks we.
We decide we are goosed, and need to go back to the hotel tourism is hard graft. The behviour of japanese tourists has worn hard on our patience. We wander out after a stop at the shop, and find our way into a pub on tower hill, Hung drawn and quartered i think it was called. I sample a pint of fullers chiswick bitter. Which is as weal as gnats pee. I make the mistake of saying have one yourself - which apparently in london means take all my wordly goods (or 20p in Liverpool). Hmm.
The a joseph (taxi) back to the hotel Jean kips soundly I chat to nell and andrew and try to sort a pair of shoes for the morning forgot to pack. I read the paper and put feet up. Enjoy a surf and look around the net. Jean wakes and we hit town. Bump into a late louise from TOAST on her way to the Savoy, she is sound. In search of a decent pint we hit walkabout by the river. "sample the full aussie experience" hmmm well I wont be going down down under. Strikes me the sort of beer palace I might have lived in in the early 80's. Intrigued by the kangaroo and croc on offer in the canteen style food hatch.
There is a two piece with backing tapes hammering pop classics blaring out too loud. The punters love it but its not for us.
Jean has a Carstle lager (family joke).
Off in search of a real pint we (on petes advice hit the law courts area). We find the courts and some top ale ouses - all shut!
We trot along the strand find a tourist boozer - real ale, Landlord off. End up with stella - not good. We mooch into convent garden (thugh we didnt know it ( an old place when its mostly shut). We find many top eateries - all shut and many seedy looking gaffs (all open). We nervously try the dance about where to eat. Then out of the clouds -our deliverance ; The loch fyne restaurant. My idea of top food is sea food and jeans refining of that is bouillabaise. This gaff is the tops. We have a nice french waiter - we love the french BTW,I use my three sentences of french much to his apparent amusement.Starters for me organic smoked salmon and for jean 4 types of herring. A bottle of entre deux mers top stuff. Main course gets better I head for King scallops and king prawns and jean does the bouillabase. No pud needed, we are happy (1 portion of veg and chips). We have a glass of port and are made up. Best meal I can remember at the end of the best holiday ever. This weekend has been unbelievable.

culture vulture

2005-06-12T19:27:00.000+01:00

so a top notch brekkie in the swank restaurant. fruit. Poached egg and mucshroom and some blackpud. Tiny nouvelle cuisine portions onest.
The we take a walk to the national gallery. I am ashamed to say for only the second time in my life. So many boss pictures some slightly odd ones too. We follow the highlights tour which is for amateurs, sort of NG lite I guess. Drink some water in the sun at trafalagar square then navigate our way to Covent Garden which isn't really us. We get a coffee and cake at posh caff gaff. Sun is shing so trot off to the Strand and jump a bus??? Another big unusual thing for us to do, off to the Tower of London. Doing the tourist bit large now cracking stuff at loving it. Upstairs - even amaze myself at fitting up a spiral staircase in the Bloody Tower. Lunch in a pleasant cafe after seeing the crown jewels. Hot ham butty, preceded by a beer. Couldnt finish the butty.

London continues to blow us away

2005-06-12T08:49:00.000+01:00

Forgot to mention in my earlier blogging entry that it was nice of them to arrange a flypast over the hotel of several military jets perfectly timed to our exit from the hotel. Service here is top class, went down in our eyes when we realised this was something to do with trooping the colour. Also laid on especially for us was a load of nude cyclists, disappointingly Sundays paper tells me it was something to do with oil protest.
Back to the journey - Up whitehall past Richmond house and into Trafalgar square, we pick up a snack from Tesco express and sit watching some bizarre gig  at the base of Nelsons column, I didn't know if i was "performance art" but I suspect it could have been as it meant so little to me. Anyway my culture valve was on overload anyway merely sitting outside the national gallery.
After a rest we scooted off down the mall, had a gander at horseguards - being taken down after trooping. Then on to the mall well rigged up gor lizzies birthday.
St James park looked nice - down to Buck House - round in front of it, obligatory shot of guardsmen, up the mall then sat in the st james park in the sun for half an hour. The toll is beginning to be felt on the feet, Jeans knees suffer too. So as a preventative measure we jump a cab to Chinatown. blown away by the sights sound and smells,  looked at a couple of places before settling on a shanghai place. There used to be a shanghai restaurant in Liverpool but it shut. It did Wortip which I could eat 7 or 8 for a starter last night I had one and a duck roll. I did a prawn and hand pulled noodle thing shared with jean who had a mixed seafood with light wine and shared my carbs. We was stuffed but it was the best meal out at the end of the best holiday since our honeymoon.
Then it was on to the New Ambassadors to watch someone to watch over me. sad serious and extreme bad language. Good stuff. Walked back to the hotel and got into the bar which was too classy for us. Not as pricey as I thought for some stuff. Then upstairs to play with the fotos and reflect. We had had a great day but I felt jean and I have missed so much. I guess this is all stuff that people take for granted but to me yesterday was pioneering marvellous stuff.
I got up handy and left Jean kipping whilst I blogged and played with the lavazza drinks machine. We shall bathe read the Observer, breakfast and then a gallery.
My ablutions are easy the bathroom is good. I have lost count of the broken toilet seats and pedestals in my life. Some hotels have a radiator so close to the bog you can't take a dump without burning yer leg when you are big.
Being able to wipe your own bum without resorting to the mechanical assistance of a long handled bottom wiper or worse still someone elses help is a delight. Hotel showers and baths were a nightmare when I was Super-Super-Obese (SSO) ie Body Mass Index (BMI) >60  once had to transfer rooms as I couldn't get in the fixed door shower. Nice thing to have to say in reception.
I  bring this up not as a request that everything is designed for the SSO but that anyone reading this realises just how pervasive a life of obesity can be. A spiralling, degenerative, life threatening disabling disease.
If I see any jokers at the conference slipping into this
and thinking they know how it feels may get a fly in the ear.
Right, bath time for bonzo.

London when you can walk is the mutts nuts

2005-06-11T17:39:00.000+01:00

Sensory overload. The hotel is a top gaff, geezer in a long coat on the door. Taximan was nice played with everything in the room while jean unpacked and then we are off. Straight out on the enbankment and along to blackfriars bridge then mooched along the south bank on the Queens walk enjoyed an ice cream. We had booked fast track on the eye judging by the queues was worth it big time I rflected how I couldn't have stood in the queue for even the fast track 10mins let alone the hour or two the others took. The eye was top. Then over westminster bridge mouth open at parliament had a mooch round the outside down to emmilene pankhurst memorial. Sat on a nice bench and had a banana. Then across to westminster abbey and up whitehall. Past downing street, cenotaph etc and on to the back of horseguards where we watched the dismounted horseguards being inspectted.

Reading the background

2005-06-11T11:55:00.000+01:00

So as prepared as I ever I read the stuff sent to me by maggie the conference organiser. Tells me where to go an what to do. Not quite clear what I am supposed to say, Ian Banks from the mhf told me to speak for 2 mins on who I am and my aspirations for the treatment of male obesity. He seems like a funny bloke. His claim to fame is he installed the traffic lights at ullet road/smithdown road.
The background reading is good and I enjoy it more because it says embnargoed on top. As a security measure I close one eye. I am surprisingy relaxed on this journey, by this point I am usually in a panic about going to the city.
I come from Garston the Liverpool equivalent of Hobbiton. This is like going to minas tirith. For me. I didn't stay in a hotel till the night I got married and I still feel a sense of awe and wonder when travelling anywhere. BTW if any of the family are reading I know mum and dad claim it was allerton but bad news we were conned.
I surprise jean by doing both refreshment runs - the freedom to be able to move down a space which mentally seems impassable is a feeling of joy inexpicable.
So now we bag up what we need en route, which will go in the back pack and what can go in the laptop bag to be left with the concierge.
Free range egg mayo butty, low cal (less than 350 and 5.5% fat).

915 pendolino

2005-06-11T10:29:00.000+01:00

So wake up at a ridiculously early time, on to the PC. Check emails, the site see geek boy has been busy. Jean does the packing we have money and pills, anything else you can buy. Get a taxi to lime street, grab an americano at costa coffee. Then I decide to check that Virgin still have guards vans or at least a space I can stash the folding table top display. No way says the young boy, let's have a look at it says the old lag. No sweat I'll open the back door for you. Top service I get to see where the driver goes and a bit of luggage space they don't tell peeps about.
We decide to uprage to first for 15 squid and despite the lack of trolley service, it was a good move.
I vividly recall having to use the disabled passenger assistance a few years ago, they were nice but it pained me. Being wedged in a seat for three hours isn't good. Your fellow travellers seem less than keen to sit near you and you take the aisle seat and get bumped and kicked all the way to London.
Its a delight to travel with my wife and we qare in stafford quick stix. Leaving the kit with her I go for a celebratory pee on the train. I haven't used a train bog since I got stuck in the door of one 5 years ago. A very ripped shirt was the result and a very red face. The walk to the train used to near kill me and the sweat used to mean a shower and a change of clothes in the first class lounge at Euston.
After a bog stop along to a coach c for my compimentary light refreshments. Barely potable coffee and clotted cream shortbreads. Jean sleeps I blog, and listen to mp3's

Friday.

2005-06-11T07:50:00.000+01:00

So - getting my act together for Monday. Good talk to my techie mate
Andrew via skype. Then a day of running round catching up. Off to the
barbers, for a trim. I have been going to Franks since I was 16 - his
hair hasn't changed (wig) mine has. He is a better psychotherapist than
barber so customer loyalty is assured. He isn't keen on fat blokes
(difficult to squeeze past). He's off today so I am left to Peter - his
deaf ex-jockey assistant. Its a mans barbers BTW. I usually get enraged
reading the daily mail and the express but straight into the chair
today. Lunch from Cafe Naz, a greasy spoon which transforms into an
Indian in the night. I admire cook brekkie and go for chicken salad on
white (brown is a rarity in these parts). I chuck half away.
Then its off to ASDA for a shirt for Monday - I want to look half
presentable. No white shirts available. It strikes me that the last time
I was chucked out of main stream shopping shirts went up to 17" collar,
no available up to 18.5". A sign of the times.
Off to Tesco and score there. Pick up other essentials and back home.
Makes a nice change buying a shirt for 4 quid rather than 25 in the
bigboy shop.
Fart about on PC, tying up several loose ends. Sort out a rolling
display on powerpoint for our display stand, and some printed stuff
which I shall mount on the web after the event. Nell and Pete deliver
stuff to the conference gig.We go into excitement mode. My wife and I
are taking two nights in London Saturday/Sunday. I am really looking
forward to it. Previously London has consisted of Euston taxi, hotel and
conference venue. Once I did a bus tour, but I have never walked around
London, so never mind the gig this is the best bit.
Work up to the flag as ever, organising myself is not easy, and would be
impossible without my wife and daughter.
Off to see mum in the evening (after a stir fry). She's been away with
my sister all week, she doesn't know where but she enjoyed it.
Gives us 20quid to get a meal in London (yeah right!) and wishes us
well. She is a diamond me mam, and I realise constantly what a git I was
as a teenager.
Friday night means Ma-in-laws where the predominantly bluenose family
slate Liverpool for wangling their way into the Champions league. Then
back home more finishing off, packing and tidying up.
Next post from Virgin trains.